Rose blinked, her lips parting. “Who?”
“My father.” My fist clenched at my side. “I killed my father.”
49
Rose
“Leo…” I started slowly, pausing to lick my lips. He’d only beentwelve. Surely, he was mistaken. “What do you mean, you killed your father?”
“He must have heard me screaming in the woods outside the cottage.” The slight tremor in his voice made my heart constrict; I didn’t know how to help him, other than listening. “He came out and tried to stop me, but it was too late. The spell had taken effect. The magic burst from me, ten times more powerful than anything I’d expected. And thesecondit stopped, my father…he collapsed.” His throat bobbed. “He wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t find a pulse. It was as if the magic it took to transform me stole his life in exchange. The healer we summoned said it was a—a heart attack. But I know the truth. It was the price I paid to becomethis.” His eyes swept down his body.
“It could have been a coincidence,” I offered, although I knew it was in vain. Anything I could possibly say he’d undoubtedly told himself hundreds of times already. This wasn’t the kind of burden that sat close to the surface, easily swayed by emotions or logic. This…this was ingrained in his soul, intertwined in the very fabric of his past. The roots of this conviction, that he’d killed his father, ran so deep that nothing anyone said would convince him otherwise.
If anyone could understand that, it was me.
He shook his head. “It wasn’t a coincidence, Rose. You know how strong magic like that works. If I hadn’t performed that spell, he’d still be alive.”
“You don’t know that for sure. Even if it was a consequence of the spell, you didn’t do it on purpose, Leo. It wasn’t your?—”
He pulled away from me. “Accidental or not, it doesn’t change the fact that it happened because of me. If a stray arrow kills a man, is it not the shooter’s fault? Whether or not theyintendedto do so? How is this any different?”
My arms hung at my side. I didn’t know what to say. A better person may have been able to come up with some sage advice or words of comfort, but that wasn’t me. I knew if I were the one telling this story, I wouldn’t want someone to mollify me. I’d just want to beheard. So I stayed quiet and let him speak.
“I ran inside to get my mother once I could move through the pain. I hid Father’s Grimoire and any signs of what I’d been doing. I was so scared, so worried she would be angry. She and Rissa found out about the spell eventually, of course, but I never—I never told them it was the reason Father died. I never told them the details.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw, speaking more to himself than me at this point.
“Rissa still doesn’t know?” I asked.
Leo shook his head.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, my mind reeling from the turn this night had taken. “Well, we’re both pieces of work, aren’t we?” I muttered. He let out a tired chuckle. His shoulders dropped, some of the tension leaving his body. He stopped pacing and stood before me, more timid than I’d ever seen the strong, assured Zareleon Aris.
Reaching out, I grabbed his hand and pulled him close, until his knees touched mine and I had to crane my neck to see his face.
“I know how that kind of guilt changes you,” I said. “I don’t think it was your fault, butyoudo, and that’s shaped your entire life.” I suddenly realized how similar this conversation was to the same one we’d had about Branock and my father. “Just…don’t let it convince you that you’re not an incredible man. We all make mistakes, and what you did, the love you had for your sister to be willing to go to the ends of the earth for her…” I shook my head. “I would give anything to have someone care for me that much. She’s lucky to have you.”
He tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I tugged on his arm to make him sit on the bed beside me. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned my head on his shoulder. Perhaps I was turning into a hugger, after all.
A moment later, he rested his chin on top of my head. His hand found mine in my lap and he twisted our fingers together. I stared at the sight in silence, wondering when this had happened. When we’d begun to find comfort in each other’s presence, where even a simple touch could calm our thoughts.
I hadn’t thought about the second trial or the nightmares that awaited me when I fell asleep the entire time he’d been here. It was getting late, and it was dangerous for him to be in the palace, but the idea of him leaving made my stomach sink.
“Do you have to go?” I whispered, staring at the window.
He shifted at my side, bringing my attention back to him. His thumb drew a circle on my hand. “Not if you don’t want me to.”
“You’re a rebel sneaking into the palace illegally, remember?” I said, biting my bottom lip, His eyes flicked down before meeting mine again. “You could get in trouble if you’re caught.”
“Then I won’t get caught. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”
I stared back at him, inches from his face, those dark eyes drowning me whole. “I want you to stay.”
His forehead fell to mine as his hand gripped my waist. “What are you doing to me?” he murmured.
We were both emotional. We’d both been through so much trauma, reliving these moments from our past that left usdamaged. Was that what this was? Two people trying to deal with their brokenness? Because I’d never felt this before. I’d never had someone be this raw with me, someone I could share my demons with. Thispullthat tugged at me every time he was near…it was different.
With others,Ipulled the strings. I hid behind a curtain and watched everything unfold. But Leo…he yanked that curtain away, forcing me into the light. Forcing me to face what I'd normally tuck away.
Like what I was feeling for him. And how much I wanted him to kiss me.
