A flicker in her eye went off, so I knew she heard me. I said nothing more as I got out of the car and headed inside the building. My only hope was that she and Beans could work through whatever it was, because then I'd have hope that someone like Morgan could truly handle a nigga like me. However, in the back of my mind, knowing the Zoo and NTR’s beef had me on edge. When I saw Keith standing in the shadows watching shit go down, I knew that it wouldn’t be long before he got caught in some bullshit.
The hanger had hit my back so often that I had grown used to the pain. My gaze was fixed on the dark cave I kept drawing on the wall each time Fiona tried to wipe it off. I had redrawn it so many times that she eventually stopped trying to erase what I believed was my version of her. She was a beast, a creature that preyed on me. My pain was her pleasure, and no matter how many times I tried hiding in that cave to get away from her, she would stand in front of it peering at me through the dark, waiting for me to come out.
She had finally let loose of my shirt, swinging my ten-year-old body around to face her. Her nose flared, her eyes dark, and her soul was empty. “Oh, so it doesn’t hurt, does it?”
I wanted to scream in her face. I wanted to rip her apart as she had done me so many times, but the truth was, I had always been afraid. “I want my dad,” I muttered.
She laughed. “What is he going to do? Your dad can’t do shit to me. What I say goes and until you remember that this is my game, you will lose every time.”
My fists began to curl the more she screamed and shouted at me. It was me who needed to be the beast, not her. I closed my eyes tightly. “I am the beast,” I mumbled. “I am the beast.”
“What did you say?” she asked as her hand slowly raised with the hanger in it.
My mouth wanted to move, but it couldn’t. A smile eased on her face as she lowered herself to become eye-to-eye with me.“You know, at first, I hated your drawings, but now I like them. You know, that monster you created of me. Keep that in mind because the moment you even think to do something I don’t like, I want you to remember, Braylen, that it’s me, and you cannot challenge the monster.”
The sound of the front door closing let me know my dad was home. I hurried past her and ran upstairs, running straight into his arms. “I don’t want to stay here with mommy alone anymore,” I cried.
He pulled me off him as worry filled his eyes. “What happened?”
“She’s a monster, Dad, I swear,” I said to him.
“Bobbie, he’s just upset that the school called and said he got into a fight with someone.”
My dad looked at me. “Braylen, is this true?”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts. I worked hard to get you into that school. You’re grounded. Go upstairs,” he said to me.
I slowly backed away and went up the stairs. When I looked at her, she smiled like she always did. I hurried to my room and shut the door. Standing in front of the mirror, I felt angry. I took deep breaths, trying to transform into a beast—someone brave enough to face her without fear. I stayed there so long that I saw him begin to take shape. Suddenly, my hand went through the mirror. I hated Fiona, and when I grew older, it would be the monster versus the beast.
PRESS PLAY
We had finally made it back to the city, and the guys asked if I wanted them to come to the Zoo with me. I knew they were afraid I would knock Beans’ head off, but it was bigger than that. I stood in the Zoo and glanced around. I took it all in, as this was the first time I had ever reflected on all the dark things I’ve done in spaces like this.
The walls told stories; they were filled with souls that traveled with me from California. Toussaint was supposed to be a place for change; however, it seemed the cycle continued, with countless trials and troubles. The world I created was meant to help niggas who were broken like me. Somehow, the lines blurred between what I wanted to create and what was actually happening. I had gone from dealing with niggas like Zu, Foe, Diamond, and Preach to dealing with niggas who had no respect for me or the game.
The crazy thing is that the game seemed to continue, but the players changed. The stakes have gotten higher, and the levels have intensified. Tonight, however, showed me that trying to be the bigger person and taking a seat in the back only allows niggas to take advantage. I pulled out a chair and sat down. I rested my sling-shot arm on the table as the doors to the Zoo opened. See, the thing about being a king is you have to know when to pull a nigga’s card, when to let the crown do the work, and when to let your mouth become the centerpiece, and with Beans, he was going to get an animal from the jungle, not the king.
As he emerged from the shadow into the light, I pointed to the chair, “Sit down,” I told him.
He came around and stood in front of the chair. “I—”
I shook my head. “I don’t give a fuck what you want. I saidsit the fuck down!” I barked this time.
He snatched the chair back and sat down. His jaws clenched as he ran his hand through his raggedy ass beard. We sat there in silence, eyeing each other. I didn’t want to come right off because I wanted the energy of the nigga that had been so tough yet silent since I’ve been here. Braylen was a hurt nigga who hurt niggas, I knew that feeling because I, too, was that nigga. My eyes never wavered as my stare only grew more intense. His eyes narrowed, and his light-colored skin turned deep red. “Yeah, bring ‘em out,” I muttered as I nodded.
The longer he sat in silence, the angrier he became. I could see Braylen diminishing as the true nigga started to emerge. Beans, the beast, began surfacing to the top. His eyes said he knew what it was, ready to accept the challenge. It was something about the anger that rose in him that I fed off of. I knew this conversation wouldn’t work unless he peeled thatlayer back, and the longer my sadistic eyes peered at him, the more that layer melted off like fucking butter.
He slammed his hand on the table, then pointed at me. “You’re the king, right? Fuck you in here playing games for?” he started. “You, Chevy, June Calloway, the nigga who stepped foot in Toussaint and thinks he knows every fucking thing and doesn’t know shit,” he said as he shook his head. “A nigga who came from money but tries to dictate how another nigga from the same background moves. Do I fuck with the Zoo? Yes, I do, but you,” he paused as he tossed his hands up. “You can miss me with that king shit.”
My brows raised as I sucked my teeth. I leaned back in the chair and watched his ass. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, nothing to say, like granddaddy like grandson.”
I belted out a sinister laugh. “Are you done,Beans?” I shouted this time, rumbling the Zoo walls.
He scoffed as he shook his head. I leaned forward as I slammed my gun on the table. “Your name means not a fucking thing to me. You stepped into this room with so much fucking pride that everything you stand for,black educated ass nigga with the S for a little razzle fucking dazzleis pure bullshit. I told you,” I pointed at him. “To do your homework and instead of doing that and coming at me with some real nigga shit, you chose otherwise. I told you once before, I can put a bullet in Clark and won’t shed a tear, but can you do the same?”
His lips tightened, and his brows curled inward as the beast fully emerged. He shot up from the table, and as I grabbed my gun, he flipped the bitch over. I quickly moved towards him, pressing my wounded forearm against his throat and pinning him to the wall.Eye to eye. Lion to beast.He tried moving, but I jabbed my arm further into his throat. “Fuck you think this is?You think I’m some bitch nigga? I told you. I’m that nigga!” I roared in his face.
