“I don’t give a fuck, nigga!” he barked back.
I shook my head. “You ain’t nothing but a hurt, scared ass little boy. I’ve been there. I’m the nigga who came from a group home, been raped by an older woman, treated like a slave by the white man, and got everything I have out the muhfuckin mud. I’m the nigga who had over a million dollars and did not once think about myself, but rather helped little niggas just like me become better men than they were yesterday. I’m a nigga who traveled across the muhfuckin country on his deathbed to find out my mother was killed and to put niggas like you on,” I gritted at his ass.
His chest heaved in and out, but I know he heard me. I released his neck and used my hand that held my gun and pointed it at the chair. “Nigga, if you don’t sit the fuck down, I will put a bullet in you.”
I began to circle him as he sat there ready to explode. “You don’t get to pop shit and walk away, that’s not how this works. Don’t think for a second I will show you mercy because I won’t. See, you take your anger out on those you think are going to cradle those feelings, but you won’t step in front of the bitch who made you who you are.”
His eyes widened. He didn’t think I knew, but I did. I leaned down and set the table upright. I walked over and grabbed something out of my bag. When I came back, I slammed the picture frame I had taken from his parents’ house onto the table so hard that it shattered. I pointed at it. “This is who made you that way. I know that look because I, too, have had it. Those nights kneeling on rice, those nights hiding in the closet from the monster, that was me, the nigga you think came from money.Nah, I was a broke Black nigga who had not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.”
He flicked his nose and shrugged, “Ok, so you have a background. Why should I care?”
I knew he was avoiding the conversation, but he had the right nigga on the wrong night. “If I didn’t see the dog in you, I wouldn’t be here. You’re hurt, shit, we’ve all been there. I know what it’s like to build that wall because you’re too afraid to let that muhfucka down. It’s fear and pride, and the one thing about pride, it would whoop our ass if you let it. Fiona hurt you, and your father didn’t see you. She abused you, and your father ignored the signs. She put a fear in you so strong that every time you tried to do right, you prayed she would acknowledge those things, but she never did.”
His eyes began to turn red, and I knew I was now getting to his core. I needed him to get that shit out so we could move forward. “Fuck Fiona. She,” he paused as his eyes turned glassy. “One lash to the back.Get it right, Braylen, she would say. Two lashes to the arm.Didn’t I tell you not to say that, Braylen?Four this time.My game, my rules, do you understand?” he rambled. “She fucked me up!” he shouted as a single tear came from his eyes.
He shot up from the chair, sending it flying across the Zoo. He began to pace the floor as his chest heaved in and out. I stepped closer to him because I knew what fighting demons looked like. The hurt he was experiencing was warranted, but I couldn’t be the one to fix it for him. Everyone claimed I was trying to be the hero, and they were right. When you never had a hero to rescue you, you turn into that hero to save others. However, I couldn’t be that for him because just as I had to save myself, he had to do the same.
I pulled him in for a hug, and he broke. Braylen sobbed like a kid. “I’m not telling you by morning shit will be ok because it won’t, but you need to address the issue. Fiona is a serpent, and as bad as I wanted your father to tell you everything, the nigga doesn’t have it in him. I think that accident was meant for you. Fiona, all she wants is money, and money can make a muhfucka do dangerous things. Know your worth. The Zoo is here for you, I am here for you, but now it’s time to challenge the beast who created the beast in you. Only you can end this game, my nigga.”
He pulled away from me, trying to hide that he was crying. He quickly wiped his eyes. “Chev, nigga, my bad. I’ve just been controlled all my life, so some of the shit you say and do reminds me of her. I respect your hustle, your courage, and loyalty.”
I smirked. “Most don’t like me because I am direct, but I would never steer you wrong. In this instance, you will be your own hero. I got a friend who needs me. So, Beans, do what you got to do; there is something greater on the other side, I promise. However, if you ever disrespect me the way you have ever again, I will kill you where you stand. I will walk away from you like you mean nothing, just as you have been doing to me. Because just as I am empathic to this moment, I’m also a monster,” I finished and walked out of the Zoo, leaving him standing there.
I knew that Beans would be a challenge, but the nigga was going to have to face his demons alone. I led him to the water; it was now up to him to drink.
PAIGE
PRESS PLAY
My eyes slowly opened to my dark room. After dropping everyone off, I came to my mother’s and fell asleep. I had become confused because I felt like I had slept for hours. When I reached over and grabbed my phone, I saw that it was only one a.m. “Shit!” I mumbled.
I knew I was supposed to take Braylen’s car back, but I needed to be away from him until I allowed my heightened feelings to calm down. As I sat up in the bed, a creaking noise scared me. “You can’t ignore me.”
The scream that belted from me, I’m sure, was loud enough for my mother to hear. His shadow-like figure came from the dark corner as he sat on the edge of my bed. “Braylen, how the fuck did you get in here?” I now tried to whisper.
“I waited for you to show up at my place, and you didn’t. So, I came to you. Do you know what today is?” he asked.
I sat there confused as I racked my brain trying to figure out what today was. That’s when it clicked.How the hell did I forget?“Happy birthday, Braylen,” I muttered.
For the last two years, I hadn’t forgotten. In fact, I had made it a thing to be the first one to say it, but this time I had truly forgotten. I scooted closer toward him. When he looked at me, he wasn’t the same. He looked angry, sad, and empty all in one. I place my hands on his face, “You want to talk about it?” I asked.
His head turned toward me as a tear slid down his face. “No, all I want is to be with you tonight. Can I do that?”
“What, do you want to have sex?”
“I just want to hold you. I want to, for once, feel peace on my birthday, even if it’s only for a few hours. Can I do that?” he asked again.
I didn’t say another word. Instead, I leaned back on the bed and opened the covers, signaling him to join me. He pinched between his eyes before he removed his coat and shoes. Braylen climbed into the bed and gripped my waist, pulling me closer.Foreheads touching.“Thank you,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry I forgot, but Happy birthday,” I said as I kissed him.
I had put all my feelings to the side just to be sure he was granted his one wish. I giggled. “How did you get in here?”
“I have my ways. If I tell you, then I would never be able to get back in, and that’s not an option.”
I stroked his face, “Tell me what’s wrong. You should be happy on your birthday.”
He scooted closer as his hand slid up and down my back. “Birthdays have never been happy for me. Piggy, everything isn’t always what it looks like. My parents,” he paused. “They aren’t good people. I have a mother who hates me and a fatherwho would much rather go along with things than address the obvious. Birthdays were torture for me. I didn’t get cakes and candles. I got swats and punishments. I didn’t get I love you. I got I hate you or she’s just having a bad day, Braylen. To you, Braylen is strong, but to me, Braylen is weak. He’s so weak he can’t even face them. So, when you asked where Beans came from, he was built to protect Braylen from being hurt and used.”
