Leah.
Oh God, Leah.
Boiling rage, thick like lava, rolled around in the pit of her stomach, rising up into her chest. Wave upon wave of red-hotenergy, each one more deadly than the next. The pain of it threatened to destroy her right there and then, unless …
Olivia began to move her body. Slowly at first, a soft hand to the chest and a gentle release. The breath was still shallow and the fire inside her still burning.
‘That’s it,’ Cece encouraged. ‘Now deepen the breath, go all the way in and all the way out.’
Olivia did as she was told, drawing in deep and desperate breaths as her movement became stronger and more intentional.
‘Yes! Now, can you allow yourself to release? Scream. Shout. Stamp your feet,’ Cece hollered.
In and out she moved, over and over, allowing the molten anger to build from her chest up into her throat. A swirling mass of liquid rage, it pressed against her windpipe, clawing up the sides of her neck, until all at once it was too much to contain.
Olivia opened her mouth and screamed, a lifetime of hurt ripping through her.
It’s not fair.
It’s just not fair.
The sobs racked her heaving chest.
Olivia’s heart felt fit to burst, her breath growing erratic and laboured in her chest. She bent over and let the tears stream down into puddles on the floor beneath her.
‘Take deep breaths, Olivia,’ the calming, reassuring voice from Cece whispered next to her.
‘I can’t. I can’t breathe.’
‘Yes, you can,’ Cece stated firmly, crouching down next to her. ‘Come sit with me.’
Olivia let herself be guided to the floor, Cece’s firm grip anchoring her through every movement.
‘Try to stop all the resistance, if you can,’ she encouraged. ‘Stop trying to fight what you’re feeling. Allow it.’ Cece took one of Olivia’s hands and placed it over her heart, then took the other and placed it on her stomach. ‘Ground yourself, feel your breath.’
Olivia let her hands settle on her body, and instantly felt the panic’s sharpness soften.
‘Sit here for a moment and just be. OK?’ Cece whispered.
Olivia nodded in response, unable to muster words.
‘Everyone, if you could start to slow the movement until you come to a standing position, hands on body, eyes remain closed,’ Cece called out loudly.
The stamping and the grunting ceased as the entire class seemed to extinguish itself of sound.
‘Now, very slowly, I want you all to make your way down to Savasana. Lying on your back, arms out by your side and legs slightly apart.’
Olivia could hear the shifting of people as they lowered themselves down into the position. Slowly and very gently she followed suit, allowing her hot back to rest fully on the cool floor.
Her heart was thumping furiously in her chest and, as everyone fell into silence, she was certain it could be heard echoing around the platform.
‘Clear your mind and allow every part of your body to relax.’ Cece’s voice reverberated around the space. ‘Feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into the ground beneath you …’
Olivia’s body continued to vibrate with the echoes of her crying. Her internal world was still a flurry of activity, a tornado of emotion and conflict.
Had she just done that? Had she really just sobbed in front of a room full of strangers?
‘Let the thoughts come and go,’ Cece implored, as if she could sense Olivia’s mind kicking into action. ‘Watch them as they pass …’
