‘And Mum used to refuse, and make her drink litres of electrolytes and eat dry toast.’
‘God, those drinks used to make me want to gag just looking at them.’ He softened even more.
‘I know! I felt so bad for her, until I found out thatyouwould sneak upstairs afterwards and bring her a bowl of the banana stuff!’
‘What can I say? I was always the rule breaker.’ Another flicker of sadness darkened Kyle’s expression. ‘And I couldn’t stand to see her so unhappy. I just wanted to make her smile.’
Olivia’s heart grew heavy. The void that had carved itself into the very centre of her being after Leah passed seemed to grow wider and emptier. It was the absence of something, amissing part, a hole through her very core. An endless chasm of nothing, which she knew would never be filled by anything again.
‘Kyle?’
‘Olivia.’
‘Do you …’ She dropped her gaze from the screen. ‘Do you think I was ever too hard on you both growing up?’
The question had been lingering on the fringes of her mind for a while, and now, in her moment of weakness, it had made its bid for freedom from her brain and out of her mouth.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t know. I sometimes worry that maybe we didn’t have a lot of fun together.’
A lump in her throat and a throbbing in the absent space made Olivia’s eyes brim with tears.
‘Hey, don’t you worry about that. I brought enough fun for all of us.’
Normally she would have welcomed Kyle’s attempt at distraction, but not today.
‘You know what I mean.’
He looked at her hard; his big, brown eyes were a complete contrast to hers, but still as piercing in their gaze.
‘I do know what you mean, and yeah, if I’m honest, sometimes it felt like I had three parents at home instead of two.Butnow I know that you were just trying to take care of everyone, because nobody seemed to be able to take care of themselves. Leah became the priority, and you filled in the gaps.’ He looked away from the screen, a slight colour in his cheeks. ‘And in all honesty, I don’t know what we’d have done without you, Liv.’
She let the nickname slide as her own cheeks blushed with affection.
‘Saying all that’ – Kyle returned his focus to her – ‘I do think you’re too hard on Mum and Dad.’
The affection vanished and she felt herself prickle defensively.
‘How?’
‘Firstly, you never speak to them! The number of messages I’ve got since you’ve been away, asking where you are and how you’re doing. I’ve had to promise to give them a weekly update for the rest of your trip.’
Olivia scoffed at the ridiculousness of this statement.
‘They don’t want to know that much about me.’
‘They do! And when you do talk to them, you’re fussing or telling them off or treating them like they’re kids.’
‘Because they aren’t doing anything to help themselves.’
‘No, they’re grieving. And trying to make sense of a world without their baby daughter.’
His words were like punches to the gut, each landing harder than the last.
‘I know it’s not my job to tell you how to live your life, but maybe …’ He shrugged, clearly choosing his words with care. ‘Maybe try and be a little kinder to them in the future. It’s not their fault they aren’t as put together or as brilliant as you are.’
Olivia, once again, was rendered speechless by her brother. Since when had he become so wise? So emotionally attuned? And so …right.
