Eleanor sighed. Since the break-up, the once his-and-hers gifts were now replaced with every self-help and self-healing item available. Chocolate bars by the dozen. Journals andmindfulness books in piles. Spa vouchers (strictly applicable to solo treatments only). Scented candles. Face masks. All the ingredients required to transform yourself and your pain into something that at least smelt and looked heavenly on the outside.
‘And don’t knock it until you try it!’ Freya scorned. ‘I can practically hear your scepticism through the phone.’
Maybe Freya was right. Maybe it was time for Eleanor to start making her way through the contents of the ‘sad singles bag’, as Sal referred to it. In fairness, what else was she going to do with her day?
‘Fiiiiine. You’re right. New year, new me and all that.’
‘Exactly! Now, if I don’t go for a run now I never will. Shall we do dinner next week?’
‘Of course. And I’ll see you at Mum’s tomorrow.Pleasesay you’re coming.’
Why had she suddenly become so needy?
‘Come on, what do you take me for? I would never leave you alone in that situation!’
Eleanor breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I’ll pick you up at twelve, OK?’
‘Perfect. Now,go journal!’ Freya barked affectionately. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ But before the words were even out of her mouth, her little sister had hung up on her. ‘So much for respecting your elders,’ Eleanor grumbled.
OK, come on, no more wallowing, Eleanor Levy. Sort your shit out.
Eleanor stretched out languidly one last time before forcing herself upright.
Well, at least some of your shit anyway.
*
Three cups of ‘relax and restore’ tea and half a packet of Lindt extra dark chocolate later, Eleanor was stuck. In truth, she’d been stuck on the first page of her Positive Mind journal since she opened it.
Question 1. How do you feel today?
Awful just didn’t quite cut it. Dead inside? In total and complete despair?
Eleanor chewed the end of the pen anxiously, rereading the question in the vain hope that an inspired lie would force its way out and on to the page. She already felt bad enough; did she really need to see it written down in front of her?
‘OK, this is pointless. What else have you got for me?’ she mumbled, flicking through the rest of the crisp blank pages. ‘Aha! Your monthly planner,’ she read to no one. ‘An opportunity to plan all the things you’re looking forward to this month. This is more like it!’ She smiled, embarrassingly delighted at finding a task that felt manageable.
Lunch at Mum’s every other Sunday.
She marked the little squares reluctantly.
Kate’s wedding! 15 January.
Panic coursed through her. The first event of the year where she’d be turning up solo. Her throat tightened. Could she cancel? She’d have to cancel. Maybe she could contract stomach flu the night before. Yes. There were plenty of ways she could get out of it, and surely Kate wouldn’t even notice if she wasn’t there? Being in love makes you too blind to care.
Eleanor reached for the chocolate again and shoved three squares into her mouth at once.
‘That’s right, Eleanor, go and eat your feelings. I’m sure that’s going to help.’ She sighed.
Jesus, you’re full on talking to yourself now?
Come on, focus!
But this is miserable.
Eleanor shook her head violently, hoping at least some of the thoughts would dissipate in the process. Her brain hurt from all the thinking.
