‘Let’s try something different.’ She wasn’t ready to give up on this just yet. The only other plan she had for the day was napping and she knew that, even with the best will in the world, she wouldn’t be able to make that stretch longer than a few hours. A hazy memory crept into her mind from last night. ‘Yes!’ She slammed her fist down excitedly. ‘New Year’s resolutions.’
Sal had decided it was mandatory that they create at least three resolutions for the year ahead. Eleanor hadn’t had a clue. In all honesty, the only thing she’d been working towards for the past month was staying alive. There had been no room in her head for any forward thinking, especially when faced with a future alone and heartbroken. Sal being Sal had easily reeled off a handful of goals and it got Eleanor to thinking, whatdidshe want to do this year?
She flicked to a blank sheet of paper and dutifully wrote the title at the top.
New Year, New Me Resolutions
1.Go to the Maldives.
‘Start small, why don’t you.’ She chuckled to herself.
Ever since she was a little girl, Eleanor had dreamed of disappearing off to an island with white sands and crystal waters. The moment she started earning money, she decided that the Maldives was the spot. A two-week all-inclusive holiday had been on her bucket list for years, but somehow life always managed to get in the way. Then there was the fact that Oliverused to travel so much with work that when it came to holidays they always chose to go somewhere close. Normally France. Actually, always France. Did she even like France that much?
She tightened her grip on the pen and carried on writing.
2.Drink less.
That one felt particularly relevant as her head continued to pound.
3.Call Mum more.
These are pathetic, Eleanor. You’re not twelve years old.
She paused slightly before writing the next one.
4.Start painting again.
Her mind instantly went to the little studio she’d made for herself upstairs. Eventually it was going to be repurposed for a nursery, when the time came, but until then Eleanor had fought hard to make it a temporary space for her and her art. Unfortunately, all that had filled the room were unopened paint pots and blank canvases. Oliver never really thought much of painting.
‘Stop thinking about him,’ she scorned loudly.
Everyone had said it would take time to let go and move on with her life, but the fact that he still occupied such a large portion of her mind made her insides ache.
You have to stop this.
What would Angela Levy do?
‘Turn the pain into positives,’ she announced, in her best impression of her mother.
If Oliver leaving had taught her anything, it was that nothing is guaranteed. So much of her existence had been spent in the safety of security. And where had that got her? Nowhere. Now it was time to go wild and enjoy life a little! She scribbled out her number four and instead wrote in bold capital letters:
4.DO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU!
Painting definitely came under that category.
‘Voila!’ Eleanor placed the pen down with self-satisfied finality. ‘A list that even Sal would be proud of,’ she announced to herself.
Just as she was about to close the book, she hastily grabbed the pen and wrote a tiny note at the bottom of the page.
5.Find love?
She felt the clouds of the hangover grow heavier in her mind as she closed the book and slid it to the side. She shoved the last remaining squares of chocolate into her mouth and made her way over to the lounge. ‘Right,Mrs Doubtfireand a nap, I think.’
Eleanor curled up on the sofa and felt the tides of sadness lap at her feet.
Is there anyone in the world hating this day as much as me?
Fin
