‘I lied. I was embarrassed.’ Fin’s voice had lost all of its drunken bravado and was now so small it was barely audible.
‘Of what? It was my dad’s funeral. Ineededyou. For fuck’s sake, Fin, why didn’t you just come and see me?’
‘Because I got drunk. After everything that Oliver said, I went and fucking drowned my sorrows in a pub somewhere. I don’t remember where. I don’t even remember how I got back to my mum’s, but I did. I was a state,Eleanor. I was everything he said I was. I couldn’t look at you after that. I wanted to go away and come back better. Not worse.’
‘You think I cared about that? How selfish can youget?’ Suddenly she stood. She had to get out, get away from him; from the memories, from the lies. ‘I have to go. I can’t do this.’
‘Elles, please,’ he whined pathetically. ‘I’m sorry. I just wanted to be better.’
‘And all I wanted was my best friend by my side as I buried my own fucking father.’
‘But I wanted to be more for you.’
‘Well, we don’t always get what we want, do we?’ She pushed past him and stormed out of the flat, slamming the door as hard as she could on her way out.
*
The moment she got outside, the rage burst from her. It rose up her throat and tore from her lungs in a deafening scream. People in the street whipped their heads around wildly, trying to identify the source of the pain.
‘It’s rude to stare,’ she shouted, cursing the onlookers’ judgemental glances and hushed whispers.
Her body was trembling, the emotions crawling over her skin, making her want to tear herself apart. She needed to walk. She needed to cry. She needed to go back inside and give Fin a piece of her mind.
No.
He doesn’t deserve any more of your time.
But still she stayed, pacing up and down outside his building. Something was holding her there, rooted, clinging to the source of her pain. His face, his words, kept flashing through her mind, assaulting her with their cruelty.
Do you know why I left? I left because it was too fucking humiliating to be around you any more.
‘No. He was drunk, he didn’t mean it,’ she announced to no one.
I came back for you.
‘Argh.’ She clawed at her head, willing the sound of Fin’s voice to stop repeating over and over.
‘Excuse me. Are you OK?’ a timid voice called out.
Eleanor snapped open her eyes and saw a twenty-something girl staring at her with a mix of concern and caution.
‘I didn’t mean to interrupt but you sounded quite upset,’ the woman continued. ‘I thought I’d check if you needed any help?’
Eleanor stared at her blankly. Part of her wanted to direct the remaining shreds of anger at this nosy stranger, to tell her exactly where she could shove her curiosity and her help, but Eleanor was too tired. She was done fighting.
‘I’m fine.’ She sighed, trying to stop the tears from streaming down her face whilst simultaneously mustering her very best sane and calm expression. ‘It’s been a long day, that’s all.’
The young lady nodded. ‘I see.’
Eleanor knew she wasn’t fooled.
‘Do you want to call anyone? I can wait with you while you do.’ The woman smiled kindly.
‘No.’ Eleanor reached inside her pocket and pulled out her phone. ‘My boyfriend’s ordered me an Uber, it will be here soon,’ she lied. ‘Thank you, though.’
‘Sure.’ The stranger gave her one last look of concern and hurried off down the street.
You could call Ben?
