‘I mean, it’s not the best news I’ve ever had.’ He sighed. ‘But it was to be expected.’
She closed her eyes and imagined his face as he spoke, deflated and weary with the weight of the grief. His hands anxiously running through his wet hair.
‘Yeah, but that doesn’t make it any less painful,’ she replied softly. ‘I remember when Dad passed, it felt like I’d been thrown under a bus. Everything hurt to an unbearable degree but at the same time I was completely numb. It was the weirdest thing. I just wanted to disappear.’
Eleanor felt a tear fall from her eye. She had never spoken about this before, not even with Freya. What was it about Fin that made her feel so at ease?
‘I’m so sorry,’ Fin replied softly.
‘It’s fine. I’m fine.’ Eleanor gathered herself together. ‘My point was, even though we had months and months to come to terms with Dad’s sickness, it was still a shock. Remember, you’ve barely had any time to process this whole thing.’
‘True.’ He let out another long sigh. ‘I guess I just didn’texpect to feel so sad about it all. And there’s going to be so much to organize, I have no idea where to start. You know planning isnotmy forte. I feel so useless, Elles.’
The way he said her name made Eleanor want to reach down the phone and hold him close to her. ‘You’re not useless.’ She tried to keep her voice firm and composed, pushing her emotions aside. ‘And you won’t have to organize anything by yourself. I promise. You’ve got me. You’ve got Freya and you have Angela goddam Levy on your team. The most organized woman in the world!’
Fin let out a snort of laughter. ‘This is true.’
‘I’m serious. Anything you need, just ask.’
‘Thank you. That means a lot.’
‘If you want to go for a drink or something tomorrow, I’m free after work if you’re about?’ She was hoping her offer sounded much more ‘casual friends hangout’ rather than ‘concerned parent check-in’. Unfortunately, she reckoned it was very much the latter.
‘No, that’s OK. I’m going to head over to the home tomorrow and stay there as late as possible.’
‘Sure. That makes sense. Send your mum my love, and Freya’s. We’re all thinking of her.’
Tears filled her eyes as the memories of her own dad sprung up to greet her.
‘I will.’ Fin took a deep breath. ‘Anyway, I should probably go and get changed. It’s not warm enough here to stand around in your towel all day!’ he joked clumsily. ‘I called you straight out of the shower.’
‘Oh, of course. Go get dried!’ she replied, grateful that nobody could see the flush on her face at the thought of Fin in a towel.
What is wrong with you, Eleanor?
‘And sorry for scaring you earlier with my stalker calling behaviour.’ She laughed loudly, trying to bat away the image of a half-naked Fin from her mind.
‘That’s OK,’ he replied kindly. ‘See you later, Elles.’
‘Right … yeah … see you later, Fin.’
Fin
His mother’s health deteriorated rapidly over the next couple of days. It was even quicker than he expected, and the nurses’ smiles were becoming harder and harder to force whenever they passed him in the corridor. Even Nurse Clara’s resolve was beginning to show signs of weakening. Fin was now visiting daily, arriving as early as his stubbornly weary body would allow and staying until dinner. Not that his mother noticed; she spent the majority of it asleep or confused, opening her eyes for brief moments when a nurse encouraged her to eat and then swiftly shutting them in refusal. It was painful to watch, and as ashamed as he was to say it, most of the time Fin kept his attention firmly fixed on the crossword puzzle in front of him.
‘How’s she doing today?’ Fin asked as he passed Nurse Clara on the way to his mum’s room, more out of habit than anything else.
‘She’s awake,’ Nurse Clara replied. ‘In fact, she’s been awake all morning.’
‘Really?’ Fin paused. ‘That’s good!’
‘It is, yes.’ The nurse stuffed her hands in her pockets and gave Fin a strange, uncomfortable sort of look.
‘But …?’ Fin narrowed his eyes, sensing Nurse Clara’s hesitation.
‘But …’ She sighed. ‘It’s quite common for people to get this way, before … well, right before the end. It’s called a surge. They seem energetic, lucid even. It’s a kind of final burst of energy. We don’t know exactly why it happens, but it does.’
‘Right.’ He nodded in acknowledgement, the foolish bubble of hope that had formed in his chest bursting instantly at her words. ‘Thanks for letting me know.’
