‘I know, and I agreed to it at the time. But now … now everything isn’t OK and I don’t know if I can keep my promise.’
Nurse Angles took a deep breath and leant back in her chair. He was glad she was taking this so seriously; he wanted someone else to feel the gravity of his situation.
‘And you want my opinion on what to do? Is that what you’re saying?’
He nodded.
‘Well, baby.’ He could tell she was choosing her words carefully. ‘If it were me – and ultimately it’s not, so you can do whatever you like –butif it were me and I made a promiseto someone I cared deeply for, I would do everything I could to honour it.’ She squeezed his hand, and he was sure she knew those weren’t the words he wanted to hear.
He squeezed hers back.
‘I’ll leave you be now, but you know where I am if you need me. I’m always here. Always.’ She hauled herself up and started to shuffle her way out of his little bay. ‘Oh, and don’t forget, your mum’s coming to visit today.’
She probably hoped that would bring a smile to his face, but the news of his impending departure had made Jane Mack even more hyper than before. Alfie cringed every time he heard the nurses speaking to her on the phone: ‘Yes, Jane, we’ll make sure that’s sorted.’ ‘No, Mrs Mack, there hasn’t been any change in the date – he’s still on track to go at the end of next week.’ ‘Hi Jane, still no change!’ ‘Jane, we will call if something happens, OK?’
He knew that she would all but move in with him in his final week. In her mind there was simply so much to sort. In reality, Alfie could probably pack all of his things up into one small box in less than ten minutes, but he knew there would be no telling her that. Instead he would let her tell him exactly what needed to be done, exactly where he was going to go, and exactly how he was going to get there.
When she arrived later that afternoon though, even he couldn’t hide his surprise at the bags of cleaning products she was holding.
‘Afternoon, everyone.’ Her excitement was palpable as she breezed through the ward.
Alfie looked at Robert, who was trailing behind with piles of cake tins.
Before he had a chance to open his mouth, she had begun fussing and flapping.
‘Not long now, honey! God, there’s so much to do before you go. I’ve brought some cleaning stuff so we can make this place a little tidier – it’s always nice to clean up after yourself, isn’t it?’
‘Mum, you know they have professionals who do that for you? As part of their job.’
She had already extracted the anti-bacterial spray from the bag and was wiping down the surfaces.
‘Mum.’ He didn’t mean to sound so forceful. ‘Stop.’
She turned to look at him, confused. ‘What’s wrong?’
He knew if he told her the truth, it would open up realms of pain. He wasn’t ready for that, but the cleaning and fussing had to stop.
‘Nothing, I’m just tired. Can you sit for a minute?’
‘Of course.’ She dropped the spray and sat down on the edge of his bed. ‘I brought some flapjacks in for the nurses, a little thank you for all their hard work. Do you want one? They won’t notice if one goes missing, I’m sure!’
He shook his head; his normally raging appetite had all but disappeared since Alice had gone into surgery.
‘Sweetheart, are you sure you’re OK?’
Dammit. He should have known refusing treats would be a red flag.
‘Yeah, I’m just really tired.’
‘Hmmmm.’ She always knew when he was lying. ‘It’s a big change, Alf. It’s OK to be worried or feel a little scared.’
How wonderful: the perfect cover-up, neatly wrapped and handed to him on a plate.
‘Yeah, totally, it’s all just a little overwhelming.’
‘Of course it is. But don’t worry; we’ve already started thinking about things so that you don’t have to. The morningthey discharge you, we will come and pick you up in the car and take you to our house. You can stay there for as long as you want. We’ve already done the checks on your flat to see if it’s suitable for you, and everything looks perfectly fine. I’ve phoned the school and told them you’re being discharged – oh, they were so pleased! It sounds like you’ve been missed terribly.’
All Alfie could do was smile and nod while trying not to scream at the absurdity of the situation.
