‘Mother A?’
‘Hey, love.’ She poked her head around the curtain. He knew immediately that something was wrong.
‘Is she alive? Please tell me she’s alive.’ He practically screamed the words at her.
She was suddenly by his side, all flesh and warmth, holding his hand tightly. ‘She’s alive, baby, but only just.’
Only just.
Those words hit him square in the chest. He felt sick. He needed to see her. He needed to go to her right away.
‘I need to see her. I need to see her now.’
‘Alfie, honey, stop.’
‘No. Get out of my way.’ Alfie was using every ounce of strength to find a way out of her grasp.
‘Look.’ She held him at arm’s length, forcing him to stop thrashing. ‘I know you want to go to her but you can’t. She’s in a critical condition. No one is allowed up there right now. Not even you.’ He could feel her fingers making marks on his skin.
Alfie couldn’t hold off any longer, he couldn’t fight any more, and so instead he collapsed fully into her arms and cried.
‘Whathappened?’ The words were almost lost amongst the tears.
‘They aren’t saying much right now.’ She paused, pullinghim closer. ‘All I know is she lost a lot of blood and … and …’
She couldn’t continue and he didn’t want her to.
*
He couldn’t remember the exact moment he fell asleep, but he was certain Nurse Angles was holding him as he did. He was almost surprised to find she wasn’t still there with her arms wrapped around him, pulling him in tightly, when the morning came.
Instead he heard her, already up and about, pacing down the ward and busying herself with her rounds. How could everything carry on as normal when the entire world had been pulled from underneath his feet? Thankfully she’d closed the curtains around him after she’d left, giving Alfie the privacy to do whatever he needed to do to process the news. But all he wanted to do was to see Alice.
Why had he made that stupid fucking promise not to visit her?
‘Alfie, is it OK for me to come in?’ He wasn’t used to the Nurse Angles who asked for permission; it was touching to hear the caution in her voice.
‘Uh-huh.’ As he went to speak, he found his voice was still hoarse from the crying.
‘How are you doing, honey?’
He shrugged his shoulders. More and more, Alfie was realizing that words were often useless in these situations. What could he say? Where to start? Maybe that was why Alice had taken her vow of silence for so long.
The news seemed to have marked Nurse Angles too; as she squeezed herself down in the seat next to him, he couldsee the dark circles framing her red eyes. She leant in closer and took his hand in hers. ‘I’ve been up there this morning and her condition hasn’t changed since last night.’
A conflicting mix of guilt and appreciation surged through him. ‘Thank you.’
‘I’ll do my best to keep checking, but I need you to try and keep those spirits up. It won’t help anybody if you start losing yourself too.’
Alfie was reminded suddenly of those dark days after his accident. The days when depressive clouds would block him from doing anything but sleeping. Nurse Angles had been there through it all.
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
‘Alice made me promise that no matter what happened to her, I would never go and see her. Even if the very,veryworst had happened.’
Nurse Angles couldn’t hide the flicker of surprise that flashed across her face. ‘Well, that’s a very big thing to ask of you.’
