God, you really are trying, aren’t you, Alice?
All she received for her efforts was a tiny nod of acknowledgement, and then Nurse Angles was gone.
Every day Alice thought about trying to make conversation with Alfie, but each time she opened her mouth the stingof rejection closed it tight. There were so many moments when she wanted to cry out or scream, just to get some sort of reaction. Life was definitely less vibrant without him in it. She missed all of his annoying quirks, his jokes, his laugh and his incessant determination. Without him, her days were painfully quiet, and it was a quiet that ironically Alice no longer welcomed.
There had to be a way to make him see how sorry she was. There had to be a way to get through to him.
Then, just like that, a flash of inspiration took hold.
It was time to take on Alfie Mack at his own game.
50
Alfie
He knew she’d been battling with herself all day about whether or not to talk to him. The interesting thing about not being able to see someone was that you became incredibly attuned to the sound of them. Every time she opened her mouth to try to speak, he would stop what he was doing to listen in. Despite the small sparks of enjoyment he relished from her anguish, there was a much bigger part of him that wished they could go back to the way they were, back to the way it was only a few days ago. In the space of a few hours, he’d lost two of the most important people in his life on the ward. Loneliness was not a familiar feeling for Alfie and he was starting to understand how one could die from the pain of it.
Normally Alfie would find the silence unbearable. He supposed that previously he would have been the one lightening the mood, trying to find a way to cheer people up and make them laugh, but not any more. Instead, he ended up spending his day staring blankly at the pages of his puzzle book while trying to push all thoughts of Mr Peterson out of his mind. The only person he would want to talk to about whathad happened was exactly the same person who had let him down so deeply. The conflict was too much to bear.
He couldn’t quite believe the relief that washed over him when it was time for his physio appointment. At last! Something to take him away and distract him. When Alfie arrived in the little side lounge, he was in such a daze that it took a moment for him to register the scene before him.
Had he missed something? What was going on?
Standing in the centre of the room was Darren, holding a massive ‘Congratulations’ balloon and wearing an overwhelmingly large smile on his face. Alfie looked behind himself.
‘Alfie! Buddy!’ Darren came towards him, obviously sensing his confusion. ‘Guess what?’
Alfie continued looking around, attempting to piece everything together so that it made some sort of sense. ‘What’s going on?’ he mumbled.
‘We’re signing you off, mate! We’re happy to let you loose on the outside world!’ Darren wrapped him into a firm embrace. Alfie just stood there, frozen.
Sensing the awkwardness, Darren stepped back. ‘OK, so maybe the balloon was a bit over the top.’
‘Hey, no, not at all! It’s great, it’s really great … thanks!’ He forced a smile and gave Darren another slightly more accepting embrace.
His performance clearly went some way to comforting Darren as he sheepishly shrugged his shoulders. ‘Well, it was the least we could do. I know it hasn’t been easy, and with everything else that’s been going on lately …’ Alfie avoided his gaze. ‘I just wanted to give you some good news.’
‘Wait, does this mean no more physio?’ Alfie joked, praying that he wouldn’t be forced back to the ward so soon.
‘Absolutely not, my friend. We have one more proper session and then you’ll see the doctor for a final assessment. And while I have you, I am going to make every single second count, so hurry up and get yourself in there before we change our minds!’
It turned out Darren wasn’t joking. That afternoon Alfie was subjected to one of the most gruelling sessions he’d ever had, and it certainly wasn’t helped by the continual ‘things won’t be this easy on the outside, Alfie’ commentary. Even though life on the ward well and truly sucked right now, the thought of actually being outside and dealing with real life was definitely still more terrifying. Everything felt like it was suddenly happening all at once. A sequence of events crashing into one another so quickly that, by the time he’d tried to stop one from falling, two more had already been knocked down.
He had been signed off.
He had reached the final step to getting out of here.
He couldn’t believe it.
He would be going home soon.
Are you really going to leave things like this with her?
He couldn’t think about that right now. There were too many factors involved. Firstly, he was still so goddamangrywith her, and secondly, it was hard to concentrate on anything when Darren was going all boot camp on him. But no matter how much Darren shouted at him, or how hard Alfie tried to ignore it, the question refused to leave his thoughts.
By the time he got back to the ward, he was exhausted. The moment he set eyes on his bed, relief surged through him. At last! Rest! But just as he was about to throw himself down, a piece of paper on his bedside table caught his eye. That had definitely not been there when he left for physioearlier this afternoon. Intrigued, he reached across to see what it was.
It was an A4 piece of paper that had been folded in half. On the outside someone had simply written his name and nothing more. As he opened it, he saw that he was looking at a hand-drawn crossword puzzle.
