Alfie jerked his head up so violently he gave himself head rush; he had been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn’t heard anyone approach. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was Darren standing over him.
‘Oh, hey, yeah, I’m OK.’ His voice betrayed him with a slight wobble.
‘Mind if I sit?’ Everything inside Alfie wanted to say no – wasn’t it obvious he needed space? But then again, this was Darren, the nicest man on the planet. He shifted over, making a little room for him on the swing. ‘I saw you as I was walking past – you seemed a bit off so I thought I’d check in.’
Alfie’s gaze was fixed determinedly on a group of ants in front of him.
‘You want to tell me what’s going on?’
Alfie bit his tongue and dropped his head lower.
Darren was playing the waiting game, and Alfie realized the only way to get him to leave was to give him what he wanted.
‘One of my friends is thinking about having major surgery to correct her face. She was badly burnt in a fire. I don’t know how much damage there is. I haven’t seen her – she won’t let me see her – but I do know it would be purely cosmetic.’
‘Ah.’ It suddenly dawned on Alfie that Darren knew Alice. He’d treated her. He’dseenher. ‘And you don’t think she should have it?’
Ever the professional, Darren didn’t acknowledge that Alice was the subject of their conversation. Alfie couldn’t ignore the pang of guilt that hit him hard. He felt himself grow suddenly defensive. ‘I just don’t think she should put herself through all of that risk and uncertainty andstressfor no reason.’ His fists were balled tightly now.
‘But that’s her choice. Not yours.’
He should have known Darren was not the person to talk to about this. Of course he wouldn’t get it; he was too nice for his own good.
‘Don’t you think I know that?’ His voice came out louder than he intended, but it felt good to shout. Alfie didn’t care that people were staring at him. Let them stare. ‘I keep thinking, what if shedies? What if she dies and I didn’t try to stop her?’
He felt Darren’s hand on his back. A warm, comforting, solid hand. Alfie shook his head as the tears came.
‘It’s not your job to save her, Alfie.’
Alfie was so tense he could feel his fingernails making cuts into his palms.
‘I’m sorry if it’s not what you want to hear, mate, but I’ll always be honest with you.’
Alfie knew he was right, but a part of him still wanted to scream in Darren’s face. Instead he chose to remain stubbornly wordless.
‘Right, buddy, I have to run to my next appointment. You know where I am if you need me.’ He gave Alfie a gentle pat on the back then stood up to leave, pausing for a moment.
‘Thanks, Darren.’
The words were so small, but he knew Darren had heard them.
Another gentle pat and he was gone.
47
Alice
As she watched the doctor leave, Alice felt the urge to tell someone. To let someone know she’d made this decision and taken back control. The feeling of wanting to volunteer her news was a foreign one. For so long the only person she concerned with her business was herself. The act of sharing felt new and exciting. Just as she was about to turn to call for Alfie, she heard the familiar sounds of him going. The rustle of the bed sheets, the small groan as he prepared to lift himself up, and the solid noise of his prosthetic footsteps.
Where on earth is he going so early?
No matter. He’d be back, and until then she would just sit patiently and soak up the sounds around her. The sounds that hopefully she wouldn’t have to endure for very much longer.
I’m getting my life back.
This is the first step to getting my life back.
‘So it’s a pain au chocolat for the lady … of course …’ The voice of her best friend cut through the ward. ‘And I went wild with an almond croissant for the gentleman. Wait. Al, where’s Alfie?’ Sarah poked her head around Alice’s curtain.
