‘Erm, well that’s what the doctors said.’
That awkward smile was already becoming unbearable.
‘And would you agree?’
‘I mean, some days are harder than others. At first I thought it was just a case of me readjusting to reality. The hospital became a little family, I guess. Being without them is more difficult than I imagined.’
‘Them?’
‘Huh?’
‘You saidthem. I was wondering if you meant anyone specifically.’
‘Oh, I just meant the other patients on the ward. The nurses. Everyone really.’
‘Have you spoken to any of them since you’ve been home? I’m sure you can still visit and check in from time to time?’
‘No, not really. A few people have called but … but there’s some people I can’t see.’
‘Really? Why’s that?’
He wished she wouldn’t look at him like that. So innocent yet so blatantly aware there was something to be uncovered if she pushed a little more.
‘Well, one of them died.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. And the other?’
‘Well. It’s a bit of an odd situation really.’
Could he change the subject without her knowing?
She’s a shrink. She probably already knows you’re thinking about doing that right this second.
‘Go on …’
Alfie took a deep breath. Maybe it was finally time to talk about her. Maybe this stranger, with her notepad and stern glasses, could be the one person to finally help him let her go. For so long he’d tried to bury her away, putting all thoughts of Alice in a box at the back of his mind. But no matter how hard he tried and how fiercely he fought, she always seemed to find a way out. He hadn’t spoken to a soul about her since he’d left. He was too afraid and, if he was being truthful with himself, a little embarrassed. How could anyone understand what they’d had? The experiences they had shared and the intensity of his feelings? The only person he’d confided in was Mr Peterson, and even that had left him feeling exposed and unsure.
He’d promised his mum he would be open in these sessions. That he would use this time to release anything andeverything he was holding on to. This was his chance to move forward, and he knew deep down that if he was going to do that, Alice had to be the first thing to go.
His eyes fixed firmly on the floor by the therapist’s feet.
‘I met this girl … she moved into the bed next to me on the ward … her name was Alice … and I think … I think I fell in love with her …’
70
Alice
Today was a big day. There was so much on the schedule Alice felt exhausted looking at it.
Start at the top and work your way down.
Simple.
The schedules were only meant to be a temporary fix but now she seemed unable to live her life without them. Her midnight chat with the dog-walking stranger had set the wheels in motion. His words would play over and over in her mind, willing her to find a way to live. And so, taking inspiration from Alfie’s schedule, she’d begun by creating a very small to-do list to get her up, moving and productive again. The first few had been laughable.
To do:
– Eat breakfast
