I nod. “Rudra happened.” I finally ask what’s been gnawing at me ever since Amrit pointed it out. “Priti, Rudra has feelings for me, doesn’t he? And he’s—he’s had these feelings for a while, hasn’t he?”
“Doyouhave feelings for him?” Priti hasn’t answered either of myquestions. I don’t blame her. She won’t tell me about her best friend’s feelings unless she’s assured I’m not going to break his heart.
“I do,” I say, and saying it makes me feel so at peace, like I’ve finally admitted to myself what I’ve been avoiding. “I do have feelings for Rudra.”
Priti scans my face for a few seconds. She sees the honesty in my eyes; I know she sees it. But I also know I can offer her a lot more.
“I know that the reason you got pissed with me is because you didn’t want me to break his heart. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, but I do now. All the hints you’ve been dropping are finally falling into place in my head. And that’s why I’m not angry anymore about the things you said to me yesterday. You didn’t mean them. You just wanted to put me off because you thought I hadn’t made up my mind about him. But I have, Priti. I really, really like Rudra. I want more with him. I want to be with him. And there’s a possibility. You know there is.”
Priti sighs. My heart sinks with disappointment. The ideal situation would’ve been to have Priti say it’s okay for me to be with Rudra, becauseIwanther to be okay with it. I don’t want anything to come in the way of what we’ve struggled so much to build. And I don’t want to start anything with Rudra if I don’t fully have Priti’s support. Because no matter what, I’m the third person here. I can’t be the wedge between them.
Priti pushes her hair behind her ear. “So you’re asking me for my blessing? Is that what this is?”
“You make it sound so dramatic.”
“If my blessing is what you want, Krish, you have it.”
I can’t believe my ears. “Wait, what?”
“I’m not saying it again,” Priti says, but she’s smiling.
My world is tipping. “Does that mean he—does that mean he’s—”
“I think it’ll be better if you hear it from him,” Priti says, cutting me off. She takes both my hands, and her eyes are twinkling. “Go. Be with him.”
I spin on my heel, grab my skirts, and run.
34
If He Calls Me Sunflower One More Time, I’m Going to Kiss Him
Goa, Monday
I find Rudra in the parking lot, sitting in his car, which seems to have become a haven for heartbroken individuals. I really should’ve known to check here first.
I’m out of breath when I skid to a stop on the tarmac, panting. I nearly gave up and sobbed multiple times as I scoured the resort to look for him, and now that I see him... now that Ifinallysee him, my heart is accelerating faster than particles at CERN.
I go over to the passenger side and knock on the glass.
Rudra looks up from where he’s slumped over the wheel. His eyes are red, as if he’s been crying. I want to kick myself.I’mthe reason this beautiful boy has been crying.
I’m going to make it up to him if it’s the last thing I do.
Rudra’s eyes widen when he sees me outside the window, and it takes him a few seconds to gather his wits. When he finally does, hisshaking hands get the door unlocked. I open the door and get into the car.
It’s quiet at first, both of us just staring at each other in this small space. The same space where we almost kissed.
“What are you doing here?” Rudra says, and his voice is a croak. His second question is quiet, unsaid:Why aren’t you with Amrit?
All my emotions for him bubble to the surface again.
“I don’t want him,” I blurt.
Rudra looks so bewildered it’s almost as if he has no idea what I’m talking about. “What?”
I shift closer to him, smiling so wide it’s a surprise the corners of my mouth aren’t touching my ears. “You heard me.”
Rudra stares down at me, a million emotions tiding through his eyes, like the waves on the ocean. He looks stupefied.
