“Go get settled. I’ll get you a drink, and your meds, and bring them up.”
“Okay.” She turns and leaves. I stand there watching her, wondering how many times I’ve watched her walk away from me, wishing she’d run to me instead.
When she’s out of sight, I call Con, who tells me he’s off tonight, but more than happy to chill with Wonder Woman. Not sure if that makes me feel relieved or pissed. Nothing new there when it comes to Con.
I make Delphi some tea, grab a bottle of water and her meds, and head upstairs to her. She’s sitting in bed waiting for me. She smiles when I enter, but it looks forced even from here. I walk toward her on broken eggshells. Leaving now, while everything is up in the air, is a dangerous move. It could unravel the tenuous thread that holds us together. But I can’t do this on my own. I need an outside perspective because all I’m good at is fucking things up.
“Con’s on his way.”
“Okay.”
I hand her the pills and the water bottle before putting the tea on the bedside table. I sit down on the bed beside her and wait until she’s finished before taking the water and putting it next to the tea.
“We’ll talk about everything. I want to hear it. I need to, and you can’t be worried about telling me because of my reactions. I won’t lash out at you. I can promise you that. I’m more of a shut-down than overreact kind of guy. I’m not great at processing shit,” I admit, tracing my fingers across the back of her hand.
“Sometimes I need to take a step back so I work through it and come back clear-headed. That’s all this is.”
She nods, still looking unsure. I lace my fingers through hers.
“I’m so sorry about Samuel.”
Her eyes flutter closed for a second as the pain hits her, but she lets it roll over her before opening them again. “It’s hard notto picture what he’d be like now. Would he be into dinosaurs or toy cars?”
“Bikes, obviously.” I smile softly.
“Maybe. Maybe he’d like dolls and tea sets. I wouldn’t care either way. I’d sit and watch him play for hours.”
“And now he gets to watch you.” I squeeze her hand as she takes a shuddering breath.
“Do you think he’d be disappointed in me?”
“Why would he be disappointed, baby?”
She flips her arm over, exposing her scars for both of us to see. “I tried to mess with something precious, something he was denied. Then sometimes I worry he’s sad I didn’t join him and he’s all alone.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “He’s not alone. He has his brothers and sisters with him. A mini-MC watching over their mama.”
She bows under the weight of my words, a sob breaking free that she tries to swallow down. I climb up beside her and pull her to me, holding her tight as she cries.
Once her sobs taper off, her breath hitches as she carries on. “If I believe in heaven, I have to believe in hell too, right? The universe has to have balance.”
“I’m not sure what I believe, but it makes sense, Delphi.”
She nods. “I know Lee went down. He earned his place in hell. I’m not disputing that, but—” She blows out a harsh breath, trying to keep her composure. “But part of me is so fucking pissed at him because he should be up there making castles in the sky with our babies.”
She’s quiet for a minute, wrestling to get her demons under control before continuing. “I hope it was worth it. I hope whatever the fuck he got from Bear that he couldn’t find in me, or the MC, makes the fires of hell more bearable. Maybe one dayI’ll forgive him for abandoning me. But I’ll never forgive him for abandoning them.”
I don’t know what the fuck to say to that. What is there to say? There were so many versions of Snake, I’m not sure which was real. I guess in the end it doesn’t really matter. Whether the version he showed her was fake is irrelevant because he was real to her. Flesh and blood, love carved in bone, that she feels even now, like an ache on a cold day.
I hold her until she falls asleep, brushing away the stray tears before kissing her temple and easing myself away.
When I walk out, my cell phone pings, letting me know Con is outside. I jog down the stairs, head to the door, unlock it, and nod for him to come in. I swap out my truck keys for my bike’s and put my boots back on.
“Hey,” Con calls out as I finish lacing them up.
“Hey. I need you to wait and watch her from inside in case she has a seizure. If she does, text me SOS and I’ll come right back.”
“No worries. I’ve been reading up on what to do if she has one.”
