Her hair tickles my cheek, and I settle my hand on her back, my heart prancing in an excited rhythm in my chest. She smells like lavender and something else, something earthy. Sage, maybe? Her body is soft pressed against mine and part of me never wants to let her go. She steps away all too soon, leaving me feeling slightly hollow.
“You’re not mad?”
“Of course, I’m not mad, you idiot. You built me a new fence!”
Her eyes are bright with excitement in the fading lightas she greets the goats one by one while I feed and water them. Once we finish with the goats, we make our way to the stable. She alternates between sitting on a raised stool and standing while she grooms Dolly.
Her lupus has been on my mind for days. She asked me to forget about it, and I’ve tried and failed. I want to know how she does it all—running a horse training business, helping Pops on the ranch, handing my ass to me in every spare moment—while dealing with a chronic illness like lupus on top of it all. This woman is a certified badass, and I can’t help but stare at her in wonder as she combs Dolly, the mare bobbing her head in excitement to see her owner again.
She catches me gawking at her and gives me a confused look. “I’m not going to keel over while I groom her. You can go finish doing night check,” she says pointedly.
“How do you do it?” I ask, unable to bite my tongue.
“Do what?”
I belatedly realize my question must seem like it’s coming out of nowhere since she’s not in my head with me, so I elaborate. “How do you do it all while dealing with something like lupus? The horse training, helping Pops—” she cuts me a glare that makes me want to duck and hide—“making a grown man’s balls shrivel up in fear from just one look.”
Her lips twitch at the last part, but she stays silent.
She switches out the curry comb for a dandy brush, which I think is a stalling tactic. I grab another fork full of hay and put it in the feeder.
The longer she takes to answer my question, the more I wonder if I’ve overstepped by asking. It’s not exactly my business, and I can’t quite figure out why the hell I care so much, but I do.
I want to get to know this woman with all her fire and warmth and that lively glow that’s always on display. She’s effervescent and I’m completely enraptured by her, like a moth drawn to a flame. I hope she doesn’t light me on fire. Or maybe that’s exactly what I want her to do, come to think of it. To feel the heat of her lick up my skin and set me fully ablaze.
She chills my overheated imagination with her cool response. “I do it like anyone else does it. The doctors have gotten it mostly under control. The flare-ups have been pretty few and far between since starting the immunosuppressant. I use special sunscreen since I’m outside a lot and sun exposure can trigger a flare, but the shaded arena helps. I’m fine.” She shrugs again.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me you have lupus?” I know the question is stupid the second it passes my lips, but I can’t take it back.
She scoffs. “I don’t know, Wes. I don’t like talking about it to anyone. It took years of testing everything under the sun to rule things out one by one while doctors and my husband told me it was all in my head. That it was depression or anxiety and that I was fine before I finally found someone who took me seriously and I got a diagnosis.”
“Your own husband didn’t believe you? Why the hell did you ever marry that guy?”
She lets out a strangled cry.
“What?” I turn around to make sure she’s not hurt.
“God damnit, Wes. You’re so dang stubborn. You don’t take a hint to back the fuck off. And I can’t decide if I hate it or love it.”
“Oh.” I swallow hard, trying to wrap my head around what she just said. She’s right. I’m damned stubborn, and I’m not great at letting things go. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”
She heaves a tired sigh, relenting. “Landon found ways to cut out everyone who was important in my life so that all I had left was him. He made me believe it was all in my head, like the doctor said. I can see so clearly now how toxic he was, but while I was in that marriage, I was blind to so much of it. And once I realized... God, it was so embarrassing, shameful how long I stayed. Allie and I weren’t super close at that point. She was off at college. Tripp was on the rodeo circuit, and I was stuck here withhim. I didn’t have them then, like I have them now. I didn’t have anyone.”
I stand there in shock as she puts everything I thought I knew into perspective. I get it now. He was even more of an asshole than I thought he was. And she was alone. The rage I feel over this stupid ex of hers has reached an intensity I didn’t know was possible over someone I barely even know. My jaw is clenched tight, molars grinding together at the thought of it.
“And here I am again, talking to you about things you have no business knowing, baring my entire soul for God knows what reason. It’s embarrassing, but for some damn reason, you keep getting me to offer you little pieces of myself.”
I don’t bother telling her she shouldn’t be embarrassed. I don’t think it would do much good. Instead, I tell her what I’m thinking. “I really might end up in jail over that prick and what he did to you.”
Her eyes soften and her lips tip up into a smirk. “I like your unhinged side, Wes.”
Seeing her smile makes me relax. “Sorry for prying. You can ask me whatever you want. Tit for tat or whatever.”
She settles back onto the stool and continues grooming Dolly. She mulls it over while I finish filling up the feeders. Her face settles into her usual confident expression, and I know from that look she’s decided exactly what to ask.
“Tell me what happened with Hannah.”
I freeze, my shoulders going rigid. I never expected her to ask about my ex. I thought it would be questions about Pops and selling the ranch.
