“You’re a shit liar,” he whispered low and she let her eyes flick down for just a heartbeat. The paper crinkled as he fisted his fingers around the edge of it. “You rub your right thumbnail with the pad of your finger when you lie. Just like you’re doing now.”
She released the fists her hands were balled into, flattening her hands against the sides of her thighs. Shit.
“I just can’t figure out why you’re lying to me now, why you’re pushing me away,” he whispered, shaking his head. Holding up the piece of paper in his fist, he rasped, “And this? This is horseshit, Roxy. Less than twenty-four hours ago you were asking me to stay. So I’ll ask again, what the fuck happened between last night and this morning?”
Her heart was trying to kill her, where it was beating so hard against her ribcage, she thought she might throw up. But, she squared her shoulders, pulling her spine straight and giving him an insolent stare. He had to go. He had to. He would never forgive her, but she was fine with that, as long as he was safe from Neal. “You said so yourself, it’s been an emotional week.”
He was shaking his head again, those damn eyes spearing into hers so acutely she feared he would see her truth. “I’m not fucking buying it, Red.”
Shrugging, she raised her hands and let them fall back to her sides, palms slapping against her thighs. “What can I say, Travis? I’ve always been a slut; that hasn’t changed. Maintenance sex is all I’m good for.”
The growl that rumbled out of his chest made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Oh fuck. His expression was fierce ashe bit out through gritted teeth, “If you ever talk about yourself like that again…”
“Or what, Travis?” she challenged, because she knew he wouldn’t do anything. He would never. “You’ll do what? Hit me? Teach me a lesson?”
“Now you’re just spouting off anything you possibly can to piss me off,” he murmured darkly, his brows lowering over his eyes in a glare. “It’s not going to work, Red. You’re scared of something; I can fucking see it in your eyes. Why can’t you just tell me instead of trying your damndest to shove me away? You know good and well I’d never lay a hand on you.”
“I don’t know shit,” she sneered. Her chest was cleaving in two. She didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to hurt him or push him away. But he couldn’t get hurt. She couldn’t let Neal hurt him, and if she didn’t give him a reason to leave, to go back to Melody Hills where he would be safe… Digging in and hating herself with every fiber of her being, she scoffed, “You’ve admitted to being a monster, Travis. Am I really supposed to believe you leave all that rage in the ring? That you’ve never hit a woman before?You’ve admitted to killing someone.”
Travis’s head tipped back as though he’d been struck, but still those honey brown eyes never left hers. She shivered as he leaned down close, until his face was mere inches from hers. “I did. And I’d do it again, for you, Red. I took my father’s life with my bare hands after he killed my mother. He was drunk and enraged, and he strangled her with a dish towel. I was nineteen and still living at home because I was too scared to leave her alone with him but she wouldn’t leave. When I came in from work to him with that towel wrapped around her neck, he came at me with a butcher knife off the counter that she’d been using to cook his dinner. A dinner that cost her her life, Roxy. My tattoos cover the scars of that night. He stabbed me sixteen times before I managed to wrestle that knife from him, andthen I beat him with my bare hands until there was nothing the paramedics could do when they arrived. Not one single part of me regrets it. And I’m okay if that makes me a monster, because I’d do it all again.”
Roxy’s mouth had fallen open, tears stinging her nose as he spoke. He straightened and backed away a step.
“You want to throw shit in my face, Red, at least make sure you have all the information first.”
“Travis…”
He shook his head, holding one hand out as if to shush her. “You made your point, so you don’t need to say anything else. I don’t want your pity, now that you know. I just wanted you to trust me. I only ever wanted you to trust me, Red.”
He turned and walked back up the stairs to the loft. She tried like hell to steady her breathing, to shove the tears down that were trying to escape. Her throat hurt from holding them in, her bottom lip trembling. In the distance, against the horizon, ominous storm clouds darkened the skyline. Seren had mentioned that morning that a storm would be coming.
Minutes—or maybe a lifetime—later, her heart cracked open wide when he emerged from the loft, duffel bag slung over one shoulder. As he descended the stairs, he draped the hoodie he’d let her wear the night before over either side of the strap. “Travis—”
“Don’t,” he said quietly, and the pained gruffness in his voice nearly killed her. “Don’t say anything else, please, Red.”
He stepped toward her and placed his hands on either side of her jaw, before dropping a kiss to the center of her forehead. His lips lingered there, his fingertips pressing into the space behind her ears beneath her hairline, his thumbs braced beneath her jaw. His lips moved, and she could just hear the words as he breathed, “I did what I said I would do, baby girl. I got you here. You’ll be safe. But you’re right, I did get attached, and dammit Iknow you did, too. If this is what you need to make it easier…” He pressed another kiss to her forehead, lingering for what felt like forever. “I’ll let you make me the monster, Roxy.”
Roxy squeezed her eyes shut as tears stung her nose and filled her eyes. A hiccupping sob threatened to escape her and she held her breath to fight it back. She couldn’t let him know. Couldn’t let him know how wrong he was.
He stepped back and tipped her head up, settling his mouth over hers. His lips were warm and soft and she so badly wanted to sink into the kiss, to beg him to forgive her, to beg him not to go…She didn’t mean it, she didn’t mean it, she didn’t mean it…
His thumbs tracked along her cheeks, picking up the tears that slid down them. He broke the kiss, but whispered against her lips, “For what it’s worth, there isn’t anywhere I wouldn’t have gone with you.”
Forty-Four
Forcing himself to walk away was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Turning his back to Roxy and forcing his feet to move him away from her nearly killed him, damn near taking him to his fucking knees. Something was wrong, but he had no idea what, and if she wouldn’t fucking talk to him…
The boarding pass and travel information printed on the paper clutched in his hand had felt like nails in his coffin. She was pushing him away. Sending him away.It made no fucking sense!Why, after everything they’d shared? After everything that they had said, everything he knew they both felt!
He heard her footsteps as she climbed the stairs behind him, then the sound of the loft door closing. He made his way toward the big house, where he could see Jodi, Free, Seren, and Levi all settled into the Adirondack chairs on the front porch.
He stopped at the foot of the stairs, and Free stood from his chair, crossing the planked porch, his aquamarine eyes bouncing from Travis’s to the loft door. “What the fuck happened? Why are you packed? Did she kick you out?”
Travis glanced at Seren, the woman’s blue eyes shining with tears. “She needs some time, I think. I don’t want to make thismore difficult for her than it already is.” Holding up the paper, he shrugged one wide shoulder. “She already bought the ticket.” Sighing heavily, he scrubbed at the back of his neck again, massaging the tightness out of the muscles the best he could. “Would someone be able to give me a ride to the airport? If not, I can call an uber—”
“Uber’s aren’t really a thing up here,” Jodi said softly, standing to cross the porch. Her lip wobbled as she gestured toward the barn. “I’m sorry, Travis.”
