Violette pops the top off another PBR and sets it in front of me, swiping the empty bottle off the bar, a beaming smile on her face.
“Yeah, because that’s why your tongue was hanging out of the side of your head and you couldn’t tear yourself away from her,because she had her hands full with her kids,” Cal scoffs, shaking his head, then looks over at me. “You think I never noticed the way you watched her?”
“I hate you all so fucking much,” I growl, wrapping both hands around the bottle of beer in front of me. My fingernail picks at the label, and I keep my eyes down.
Cal’s on a roll, though. Addressing everyone but me, he continues, chuckling. “I’ve never seen a man fall so hard or so fast in my fucking life. Like a damn shot straight between the eyes, he was done for.”
I don’t fall foranyone. Period. As a general rule of thumb for myself, I don’t date. My job is the love of my life, just like it was for my dad, and I refuse to put a girlfriend, or god forbid a wife and kids, through that. And Cal knows it. They’re still cackling together about Xander and Teddy sitting in a tree…
“That’s not what this is,” I mutter, raising the beer to my lips. My tone is harsher than I intend when I continue, muttering darkly, “She’s a widowed mom of three; she’s out here doing everything by herself, the least I can do is make sure your terror of a niece doesn’t end up as roadkill or fish food because she has no sense of self-preservation yet. Besides, you all know; I don’t date single moms.”
I instantly regret the harshness of my words when Violette’s eyes lose some of that sparkle, and that smile disappears. She picks up a hand towel and fidgets with it between her fingers, her mouth tightening into a line. I sense Cal’s shoulders stiffen from beside me, but don’t have the guts to glance over at him.
Shit. I pinch my eyes shut and rub the back of my neck with one hand. “Fuck. That’s not… I don’t mean it like that.”
Violette shrugs, tipping up one shoulder slightly. “Sounds like she’s lucky to have someone watching out for her, even if it’s obligatory.”
Fuuuck. Now I’m sure Cal thinks I’m an asshole that’s just panting after his sister with no intention of any kind of follow through. I mean, he wouldn’t be entirely wrong, because I don’t even know what my intentions are with Teddy at this point. This is not going well. I should have fucking gone home.
Spanning my hands out wide, I mutter, “Wait, that’s not what I said?—”
“Look, she knows she’s a lot to handle,” Violette says, cutting me off. I stay silent, her hazel eyes bouncing between mine. I feel like I’m being scolded by the principal, my chest is tight and I feel shame burning through me. It’s a weird feeling being scolded by her, having known her since she was a kid. I can feel Cal’s eyes on me, burning into the side of my head. I’m too much of a coward to look at him. Violette looks over at Cal almost apologetically and then focuses her gaze back on me. “She sees herself as a hot mess on good days, and lord knows she’s doing the best she can with the shitty life hand she’s beendealt in the last year… but you’d be damn lucky to have someone like Teddy give you any of her time or attention. Just because she’s a single mom doesn’t make her any less?—”
“I know that,” I murmur quietly, beseechingly, ending her heated tirade. “And I swear I didn’t mean it like that.” I glance over at Cal before turning back to her. “You know my dad died in a fire, the same year that Jacob did. I don’t date at all. Not just ‘no single moms’. Not at all. Because the thought of putting a wife and a family through what my mom went through isn’t fair. All I know is that I can hear her crying through the walls at night.” Violette’s eyes grow sad at that, and Cal sits straighter in his seat, but I push forward. “And I’d rather be single forever than to hurt someone as amazing as Teddy or put any of them through losing someone like that again. That’s all I can promise anyone; that I will make them worry and probably hurt them in the end. Teddy deserves better than that. And so do those kids.”
“Well, okay then,” she says slowly, nodding, though it’s stiff and stilted. “And just so you’re aware, she’s not interested in dating either, anyway. So I guess you’re safe, huh?”
Right. She doesn’t want to date either, so this is perfect. Cal harrumphs next to me, taking a long swallow of his beer.
That doesn’t stop the ache in my chest from forming, though. I rub at my sternum as if to relieve the pinch of disappointment that tightens my chest. Because even as I said the words out loud… I’m not entirely convinced Imeantthem. Not to mention the thought of her dating someone else. The burn of jealousy that crashes through me nearly steals my breath.
Teddy might deserve better than some washed up, old ass hotshot firefighter that might not come back, but fuck if I don’t want totry.
“How are the kids? Are they sleeping? Are you sleeping? Is Bea feeding alright? How’s that tongue tie?”
Balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder, I sigh as quietly as I can. “The kids are good. Dalton is ready for school to start next week, and Penny is jazzed for 4’s Preschool. Dalton isn’t having nightmares like he was, Penny is back to sleeping in her own bed, Bea is feeding great, and the ENT got that tie snipped weeks ago.” I shudder at the memory of that tongue tie that had made breastfeeding Bea absolutely miserable for the first several weeks of her infancy.
“And you? Are you sleeping?”
“Bea is teething, which means she’s not sleeping great the last couple weeks, soI’mnot sleeping great?—”
“Kent, what are we doing next weekend? We can hop over to Teddy’s to take the kids for the weekend, right?” my mother-in-law calls across the room to her husband.
Colleen and Kent Hansen are the best in-laws I could have ever asked for. As I’d gotten older, I’d become so grateful of the fact that I didn’t have to suffer through having monster-in-laws. After Logan’s death, they’d been so incredibly supportiveand helpful, and then again right after Bea was born. Colleen had come to stay with us for a couple weeks and I still maintain I don’t know how I would have survived those first few weeks without her.
Mine and Cal’s parents had passed away years ago, so it’s just us. But the Hansen’s—Logan’s parents—are truly wonderful. Logan had been a late in life baby for them, so by the time he’d been grown, they had only been a few years away from retirement. They spend their time on the coast and like to golf and travel to local wineries.
I hear Kent’s deep rumble through the other end of the line, though I can’t quite make out what he says.
“Oh good,” Colleen trills after he finishes, and I can’t help the smile. “We’ll be there next Friday, love. Why don’t you get a hotel for the night and we’ll stay with the kids and have a sleepover.”
The thought is thrilling, even if I know I won’t ever do it. The idea of sleeping in a bed all by myself, no baby monitor next to me or waking for middle of the night feedings… it’s like a little piece of heaven.
“I don’t know if?—”
“Do you have any milk in the freezer?” Colleen asks, cutting me off before I can outright say no. I smile again. She might know me too well. I scoff silently then. She should know me too well; Logan and I were high school sweethearts and had been together over fifteen years before his accident.
“Well, yes?—”
