“Eyes on me, Mama.”
I drop the toggle and do as he commanded.
“I think about you all the time,” I confess. “It’s like when we aren’t physically in the same room, we’re still somehow connected.”
Emmett lowers his lips to the underside of my jaw, setting a gentle kiss against my skin.
I close my eyes at the sensation, imagining what it would be like to feel his mouth against mine or even between my thighs. I’m not exactly experienced when it comes to guys, but I know that he could—and would—rock my world all night. It’s impossible to harbor these kinds of feelings and them not translate into the bedroom.
“I’m so fucking scared,” he confesses, voice trembling with genuine fear.
“Of what?” I whisper into his soft hair.
Truthfully, I don’t need an answer. The dangers we’ve been facing have been apparent since the second I walked into my parents’ living room that fateful day in February.
He pulls back, eyes full of angst. “When Scott stopped by my apartment the other day, he started talking to me about you and Blake, and I wanted to tell him everything. Holding out on my best friend like this feels like the worst form of betrayal, but knowing that all hell will break loose the moment I confess to my feelings leaves me with no other choice.” He pulls a deep breath into his lungs before releasing a warm puff of air against my needy lips. “I’m going out of my mind here, Bill. I’m puttingyou in danger and being selfish every time I make excuses to see you.”
I shake my head at his last few words. “You aren’t being selfish; you’re being a human.”
His hands circle my hips, just like they did in my parents’ kitchen. “If circumstances were different, do you know how many times I’d have made you come until you saw stars?” He moves his hand to the waistband of my leggings, skirting his fingertips across the top. “Over and over, just so I could feed my addiction.”
Every muscle contracts, pleading for him to go further.
“Touch me, Emmett.”
Guiding his hand further, he dips his fingers lower, teasing the thin fabric of my panties.
I drop my face into the crook of his neck, silently wishing for his hand to swipe through me.
“I’m in the battle of my life here.” His voice is thick and heavy, heart beating hard enough for the both of us. “I’ve never wanted something so much in my life.” He brushes a finger over my pussy, feeling how damp I am. “You’re so fucking perfect for me.”
“You’re perfect for me too,” I breathe out, pulse racing.
His fingers travel to the edge of my panties, sliding gently beneath the seam, but still too far away from my pussy.
I know he can feel my needy heat and hear the low moan as it escapes from my throat.
Blake is still fast asleep, and we have all the time to explore each other without fear of being caught.
“Touch me.” I try once more to coax his fingers to where I want them.
He throws his head back, and I know if it wasn’t for Blake, he’d allow his frustration to break free.
“Why?” He speaks to no one in particular. “Why couldn’t this whole situation be different?”
Wrapping my palm around the nape of his neck, I gently guide his gaze back to mine, tears pricking my eyes.
When we set out on this drive, I expected Emmett to take usto another secluded park. In reality, I don’t think he had any particular destination in mind; his main objective was to steal some more time with me and my daughter.
And while I selfishly want to be around him all the time, I can see the way this is tearing him up inside. If Emmett was going to put his hands on me, then he would’ve done it already. There’s only so many times we can be in this position—torturing each other over a fantasy of what could be. Emmett’s the kind of man who takes what he wants, and I’d gladly hand myself over in a heartbeat. Yet despite all of the above, it feels like we’re no further forward, as the barriers between us become increasingly insurmountable.
Words I never wanted to whisper rise in my throat, and acid burns a track directly behind them.
“If you need to back away for good, then I want you to know that I get it. Blake and I both get it.” My fingers brush through the soft strands of hair at the back of his head.
“I also want you to know that I’m eternally grateful for everything you have done for us these past couple of months. The past decade of my life, to be honest. When I arrived back in Brooklyn, I was a broken girl—lost, scared, and without any friends. I’m where I am right now because of you, fighting another day because of the strength you’ve given me.”
I bite on the inside of my cheek, desperate to finish what I set out to say. “If putting your hands on me means that you’ll go on to regret it, then I don’t want that to be our legacy. I want the memories of you holding my hand in the scanning room, tickling me until I couldn’t breathe, buying me ridiculously overpriced steak and late-night pineapple pizza to be happy and without you feeling guilty because we took things too far and couldn’t accept that, no matter how much we wanted it, we could never be more than friends.”
