“Are you okay?” I ask when I catch the hint of sadness in his eyes. Despite being so eager to celebrate with me, now that I’m sitting with him, I can see something is bothering him.
He chuckles, waving his hand and brushing off my question. “It was a long day, but coming home to this made meforget all about it.” He smiles, a crooked, sexy smile. The shadow of stubble over his face adds to his rugged, beautiful appearance.
He’s rolled his sleeves halfway up his forearm, and I study the tattoos inked into his skin. Reaching out, I gently touch his arm.
“Do they mean anything?” I’ve always been curious, but I’ve never asked.
“Some of them do. Some of them don’t.”
“They’re beautiful,” I remark.
He lifts his hand and places his finger beneath my chin, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “Do you want to go out for dinner? To continue with this celebration? You can wear that gorgeous black dress, we can go dancing in the city?”
I giggle. I would actually love to go on a date with Kristopher. But that isn’t what this would be. And I have a ton of studying to do tomorrow.
“No, I have to be up super early again. I aced that exam, but there are more to come. I just wanted to celebrate a little. The big celebration will have to wait.”
The fact that he asked, though…I still can’t figure out who I am to this man. What I am.
I wish I could see myself through his eyes so I could understand his thoughts.
“That’s alright, we can still celebrate with dinner here at home.” He stands and holds his hand out to me. I place my fingers against his palm, and he pulls me to my feet.
The chef brings out a roast chicken with caramelized carrots and crispy roast potatoes.
We carry on drinking champagne, and Kristopher asks me about the exam I took and how it affects my overall results. His genuine interest is heartwarming, but I wish he would also talk about whatever is bothering him. All through dinner, sitting across from him, I can see how lost in thought he is. He’s doing his best to hide it, but I can read him better than he thinks.
“What happened today that’s bothering you so much?” I ask.
He chuckles, then sighs, as though he’s feeling hopeless and drained. “Honestly, it’s just been a long day. There isn’t anything specific. It’s a culmination of many things.”
“Are you sure? Because you look…” I pause, searching for the right word. “Exhausted, but also weighed down by something more specific than just abunch of stuff.”
“How amazing are these carrots?” he asks, stabbing his fork into one of them. I roll my eyes. Classic redirection, but so obvious a child could have spotted it a mile away.
“They’re great,” I answer, allowing him to change the subject, having learned in my studies that pushing too hard doesn’t always get you answers. Some people need a more subtle approach. With Kris, though, I can’t figure out if he needs a subtle approach or a kick in the head to break through his thick skull. He’s built walls so high that even his sister complains about it sometimes. At least they seem close, from what she’s told me, and the small moments I’ve seen shared between them.
In his life, his position of power, I imagine he’s learned that emotions are a form of weakness, something that can be used against you. The stereotypical stance that men do not show emotion, apart from anger. I usually veer away from stereotypical assumptions, but with him, it’s a challenge in that regard.
I push my food around my plate, feeling the frustration of not being able to get him to talk to me. It’s what I do. It’s in my nature to want to help people, and even more so with him. The man I’ve been dreaming of for years.
Why can’t he just talk to me?
I’m trapped here in this house with him. He’s forced me to be a part of his life, but he blocks me out. I need a connection. I need real conversations that have meaning.
I sigh heavily, pulling my mouth tight.
After a moment of awkward silence, my brain lights up. “My family lives out in the suburbs,” I say, relaxed and chatty. “They love it out there, but I always longed for the city life. It felt like this big adventure ever since I was little.”
Kristopher cocks his head to the side, as though he’s analyzing me. I carry on.
“And I love it here. I don’t think I could live in the suburbs again. Not for an extended period of time. The energy of the city is amazing. When I visit my parents, I miss it, but it’s still nice to spend time with them. They don’t like coming to visit me here.”
“Jess is getting more and more upset that I haven’t visited her yet,” he says, pulled into the conversation. “She doesn’t realize how much work I have going on here,” he shrugs.
“She misses you. From what she’s told me, you guys were pretty close growing up?”
He nods, a captivating smile on his face. “We were always there for each other. I guess we only had each other at the end of the day. My father was…still is…a bully. He should never even have been a parent.”
