The flicker of the candles’ flames gave the faded ink the illusion of movement. The flower seemed to sway gently in the wind.
Lily,he silently called out.I’m sorry for the dream. Please forgive me.
He waited for the sound of her sweet voice to fill his head, but silence was the only thing he heard. A deep, resounding silence that seemed to echo.
It was a silence that was broken by Cami’s voice. “Why didn’t you guys have kids? Didn’t you want them?”
He’d been so absorbed in his own misery, he hadn’t sensed her coming awake. When she reached up to slowly trace the outline of the tattoo, he quickly dropped his arm.
Having her touch the tattoo seemed like a betrayal as much as the dream had been a betrayal. As much as making love to her had been a betrayal.
He hoped to cover up his hasty reflex by grabbing the coverlet and pulling it over them. Only after he’d tucked the material around her did he answer.
“Yeah. We wanted them.” He had to stop and clear his throat because it sounded like he had a mouthful of rocks. “But Lily felt like she should establish her career as a teacher first, and I wanted to finish med school. We thought once we were settled, then we’d start planning a pregnancy.” He snorted. “What’s that saying about making plans?”
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans?” she supplied.
“No.” He shook his head against the pillow. “I was thinking more…man plans and god laughs.”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft and low. He could hear the sincerity in it. “For both of you.”
“I’m sorry too,” he whispered. “For so many reasons. But after all these years, the thing that bothers me the most is that I never got to tell her all the things I wanted to tell her, or that Ishouldhave told her before she was killed.”
Cami went up on her elbow and there was deep compassion in her eyes. “Anything you didn’t say, I’m sure she already knew.”
A knot formed in his throat. “Lord, I hope so.”
“I know so.” She gave a staunch dip of her chin. And then a little line appeared between her eyebrows. He could see a question in her eyes, but long seconds ticked by, and she never asked it.
Finally, he reached up and gently rubbed her frown lines away with his thumb. Women had such soft skin. But the softness of Cami’s always surprised him. Maybe because she was so tough in every other aspect that he was shocked when her outer shell didn’t match her steely inner resolve.
“What is it?” he asked. “What are you thinking?”
“I heard you talking with Uncle John.” Her tone was mildly curious, but he thought he saw more than mild curiosity in her eyes. “You don’t think you’ll ever remarry?”
Given the closeness of the dream, therealnessof the dream, he couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably. “It would feel disloyal. If I remarried, I’d do it for love. I’d do it because another woman made me happy. But…” He swallowed convulsively. “The pain is all I have left of Lily. I’m not ready to let go of it. To let go ofher.”
Cami’s mouth twisted. “The pain isn’t all you have left of her. You have your beautiful memories. It’s okay to hold onto the past while also embracing the future.”
Her words echoed John’s windshield observation so closely that the hairs on the back of Doc’s neck lifted. “How could I take on a new wife while still mourning my old one? It wouldn’t be fair. What woman in her right mind would want to tie herself to a man who can never let go of his first love?”
The line between her eyebrows returned. “Love isn’t defined by what we let go of, Dalton, but by what we let in. You can keep the memories and the feelings of sorrow for what you lost while still allowing yourself to find comfort and joy in something fresh and new.”
He searched desperately for the flaw in her reasoning. When he couldn’t find it—once again, her seemingly irreproachable lawyer logic had muddled his mind—he threaded his fingers through her warm, silken hair and pulled her down for a kiss.
Distraction, that’s what I need. Before I say something I’ll regret. Before Idosomething I’ll regret.
“I want you again, Cami,” he whispered against her lips.
He hadn’t fooled her. She knew what he was up to. Even so, her thick lashes lowered, desire ignited in her eyes, and her pink tongue flicked out to wet her lips. “I want you too.”
This time when he kissed her, he told himself it would be the last time. Because he couldn’t keep doing this. It was far too dangerous to his mental health. Besides, it wasn’t fair to Lily. To hismemoryof her.
And itcertainlywasn’t fair to Cami.
Chapter 26
11:12 PM...
