Something odd had just happened. But his muddled brain couldn’t figure out what.
Was it always Cami standing there?
Try as he might, he couldn’t remember. And the struggle to remember had a deep chasm opening up inside him.
Cami smiled that wicked, witchy smile of hers and there was such love in her eyes when she called out, “Aren’t you hungry? I made spaghetti for dinner.”
“She made the big meatballs too!” the little boy shouted, shoving a fist in the air. “Just like we like, Daddy.”
And just that easily, all Doc’s hollowness was gone. In an instant he was full to bursting with pride and adoration, with happiness and satisfaction.
Whatever had made him pause was forgotten. Whatever momentary alarm he’d felt was erased as he broke into a trot toward his waiting family.
Taking the porch steps two at a time, he bent and kissed Cami’s warm mouth when he reached the top tread. The drooling baby burbled at him, and the little boy clung to his leg, demanding Doc give him a leg ride inside.
The feel of the boy’s trusting weight tugging at his jeans made him grin. His grin stretched into a full-on smile once he stepped inside the house and the rich smells of garlic and browned meat tunneled up his nose.
Home.
His father had liked to quote Ralph Waldo Emerson. “A house is made with walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.”
Briefly closing his eyes, Doc silently called out,“I did it, Dad. I traveled the world and came back here, to the land you loved, to make my home.”
When he opened his eyes, it was to see his son doing a backward somersault off his leg. The little tyke was on his hands and knees when a fluffy Great Pyrenees attacked his face with pink-tongued kisses. The boy giggled, catching the shaggy dog in a headlock.
Doc turned to frown at Cami. “He’s supposed to be in the western field with the herd. How’s he ever going to learn to be a livestock guardian dog if you keep letting him in the house?”
That ever-mobile eyebrow shot up Cami’s forehead. “I’ve told you a million times, you can take the girl out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the girl. Dogs aren’t supposed to be left outside in the cold and rain. They’re supposed to be spoiled and coddled and scrubbed behind the ears.” Her tone went from haughty directly to baby talk as she bent to scratch the dog’s big, block head. “Aren’t they? Yes, they are. Oh, yes, they are, you cute, silly, pile of fur.”
The canine stared up at her in brainless adoration.
And who can blame him?Doc thought with a chuckle.She’s adorable. Adorable and smart and sexy and, most amazingly,mine.
He sighed and feigned annoyance at her refusal to leave the giant wooly beast outside despite the dog having been bred specifically to withstand the cold and rain. Although, he couldn’t hide the skip in his step as he threw an arm around her shoulders and steered her toward the kitchen table.
I have all a man could want,he thought. And then he added,I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
That’s when he jerked himself awake.
The peace and comfort of the dream was immediately replaced by a roaring wave of guilt.
How could he have supplanted Lily like that? Even unconsciously? And worse, how could his dreaming brain have gone so far as to feelhappyabout it?Happier, even.
It was such a faithless thing.
Stifling a groan of misery, he clenched his teeth together until his jaw ached. He blamed the dream on having taken Cami as a lover and being reminded what it was like to be with someone he cared about. And yet he couldn’t regret his decision.
What he and Cami had shared went beyond the physical. It’d been emotional. Spiritual even. Two people who’d communed with more than their bodies.
It’d felt good. So much better than anything he’d experienced since Lily’s death.Healingeven.
So yes, he might not regret taking Cami as his lover, but he could still chastise himself for ever thinking that would somehow make him want her less.
What a joke. It makes me want her more.
To make matters worse, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever go back to the vapid, meaningless liaisons he’d been having for over a decade. How could he ever be satisfied with a sexual partner who didn’t have Cami’s big smile or curious mind or acerbic tongue? How could he ever be satisfied with sex now that he’d been forced to remember what it was to make love?
Cami’s head was pillowed on his chest. Her cheek was soft and warm against his skin. In sleep her breaths were deep and even, and he wanted very much to curl his arm around her and pull her closer still.Keepher close. Instead, he raised his arm and stared hard at the tattoo on the inside of his wrist.
