Without another word, they ducked back into their room and slammed the door.
When Christian returned his attention to Emily, he found her blinking rapidly. Her blush haddeepened to crimson, making the beauty mark on her cheek stand out in sharp relief.
“That’s it. In you go.” He grabbed her arm and tugged her into his room.
Squeaking her protest, she dug in her heels. Considering he outweighed her by about six stone, the effort was laughable. Closing the door behind her, he marched her over to the chair he kept in the corner.
“Hey!” She slapped athis hands as he pressed her into the seat. “Stop manhandling me, you big bully!”
“Sit!” He pointed a finger at her pert nose. “Stay!”
“And now you’re gonna treat me like a dog?” Her South Side accent was back in full effect.
He didn’t realize how mad he was that she’d called his love of her delusional until right that minute. “I’m hardly treating you like a dog, Emily. I’m treatingyou like a woman who insulted the bloodyhellout of me.”
“What?” She wrinkled her nose. “How didIinsultyou?”
“Number one”—he held up a finger—“I didn’t tell everyone here that I love you so they’d get on my side. I told them because it’s impossible to keep secrets in this place. Everyone was bound to find out we’d slept together, and I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea and giveyou poppycock about it.”
He thrust up a second finger. “Number two, I’m nice and accommodating and acting as if nothing has changed between us because nothinghas. You’re still you, adorable and bossy and altogether infuriating. And I’m still me, single-minded and stubborn and completely barmy about you.
“Number three.” Up went a third finger. “If me touching you makes you remember allthat we shared and all we couldstillbe sharing if you’d only pull your head out of your ass, then that’s your problem, not mine. I’m not the one who put a stop to our lovemaking.Youdid that.”
By the time he raised his fourth finger, he was shaking with barely repressed fury. “And last but not least, I am not suffering somedelusionabout being in love with you. Iamin love with you. Endof story. And that you would belittle it by brushing it off and saying it’s less than it is makes me want to box your ears until your head rattles!”
He hadn’t realized he’d been pacing until he came to a stop in front of her. His heart thundered. His chest rose and fell with each livid breath. And seeing her staring up at him with those wide, dark eyes, her mouth open in a shockedO, had himfighting the urge to kiss the shit out of her.
Instead, he blew out a calming sigh and said, “You’re not mad at me, Emily. You want me, but feel you can’t have me. There’s a difference.”
She stood up. “Ican’thave you! Because if what you say is true and you really do love me—”
“I do.”
“Then continuing to sleep with you would make me a horrible person!”
He cocked his head.“Why? Says who?”
“Says me!” She hooked a thumb toward her chest, and he saw her hand was shaking. Brilliant. He didn’t want to be the only one having difficulty controlling his emotions. “It wouldn’t be right.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, smirking when her eyes pinged down to his pecs and then ran over his tattoos before returning to his face. “Why wouldn’t it be right? Haven’tyou ever heard of friends with benefits?”
“You don’t just want to be my friend.”
“True.” He nodded. “I want to be much more than that. But if I can’t have it, I’ll settle for being your coworker, your lover if you’ll have me, and the man who provides a positive male role model for the two children you want to have. Because here’s the deal, Emily. For the longest time, I dreaded the thoughtof BKI going civilian. Like I told you, I tried the Joe Bloggs gig and it didn’t work. I thought my soul was too violent, too barbaric. And I thought without the madness that is the spec-ops life keeping me distracted, I’d get sucked back into my past. But loving you has changed me. Made me realize I’ve no need for an outlet for the intensity inside me. All I need is you. I’m someone else whenwe’re together. Someone more…like my true self. And I would rather be your friend forever, with or without benefits, than a stranger to you for even one day.”
A muscle worked in her jaw. Was it him, or were her eyes overly bright?
“Why do you have to be so…so…” She swallowed and shook her head.
“So what?”
“Wonderful!” she yelled, then ran from the room, slamming the door behindher.
For a couple of seconds, he blinked at the space she had occupied. Then a slow grin spread across his face. His mind drifted back to the big yellow bed in the manor house and her charming impersonation of the silly sheriff onThe Dukes of Hazzard. Like Rosco P. Coltrane, Christian was in hot pursuit. But it wasn’t a ’69 Dodge Charger he was after; it was Emily’s admission that she wasin love with him.
If he could get her to say the words, she would be his forever.
* * *
