She sniffed. “I didn’t realize I was.”
He brushed tears from her face. “Why?”
How could she explain? “Hearing about your past makes me sad. I want to fix it and I can’t.”
He collected more tears on his fingers then rubbed them against his thumb, as if testing if they were real.
“No one cries for me.”
She wasn’t sure if he was telling her that no one was supposed to cry for him, or if no one ever had.
“I can’t help it,” she said. “I feel your pain.”
He frowned. “But I’m not like everyone else.”
“I know.”
“So you’re disappointed in me?”
She couldn’t help smiling. “No. I’m honored to know you. I’m honored to be a part of your life.”
He shook his head. “I still don’t understand the tears.”
“I’m crying because I care.”
* * *
Nearly a week later her words still didn’t make sense. Jeff tapped his pen against the pad of paper in front of him. He had retreated to his study after dinner, supposedly to work. Instead all he could think about was Ashley and the strange conversation they’d had the previous Sunday night.
She’d cried because of him. He didn’t understand that, nor did her saying she was crying because she cared make sense. As far as he could tell, nothing between them had changed. She was still sharing his bed, still trusting him with her daughter. He wanted to believe that everything was all right between them, but he wasn’t sure. He had a sense of impending doom. He knew he was waiting for her to get angry and come after him.
Hadn’t she gotten it? She’d spent the weekend with him, seeing him for what he was. If the lectures and demonstrations hadn’t scared her away, his nightmares should have. Hell, he’d dreamed that Maggie was in danger, yet too afraid of him to allow him to rescue her. Didn’t Ashley understand? Didn’t she know that meant that when it really counted he was going to let her down?
He didn’t want to. He would rather cut out his own heart than hurt either Ashley or Maggie, but he wasn’t going to have a choice. He couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t like other men. He was—
The door to his study flew open. Ashley stepped inside and planted her hands on her hips. She glared at him.
Despite her obvious temper, he drank in the sight of her. She was beautiful, with her flashing eyes and flushed skin. Her sweater hugged her slender torso and her worn jeans outlined narrow hips. He couldn’t help smiling when he saw the fluffy cow socks on her feet.
“Oh, sure, go ahead and laugh,” she announced. “But you, mister, are in so much trouble.”
His humor faded as if it had never been. This was it. She knew the truth and she was leaving him.
He didn’t speak. What was he supposed to say? He’d always known it was going to end like this.
She walked toward the desk. “You’re avoiding me. You’ve been avoiding me all week, and don’t even think about telling me you’re busy with work. What’s going on?”
“Idohave work,” he insisted. “I have the Kirkman case. It needs my attention.”
Ashley didn’t even blink. “Sell it somewhere else. What’s wrong? I’ve been thinking about the sequence of events in recent days. As near as I can figure it, you started acting weird last Monday. Which means it was after that dream you had. The one we talked about. What’s the problem, Jeff? Did we connect? Are you concerned because I’m getting too close?”
She was, but not in the way she meant. He was waiting for her to figure out the truth about him and then run.
She sighed. “What is it? Are you mad at me?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Oooh, he speaks.” She glared. “Okay, you’re not mad. What about having Maggie and me here. Are you changing your mind about that?”
