6
Shannon waited nearly two hours before going into her mother’s office and shutting the door. Instead of sitting at her desk, Cindy was standing by the window, staring out at what Shannon would guess was the past rather than the view. After a few seconds, her mom looked at her.
“I’m fine,” she said, obviously attempting a normal tone. “Really. It was just a shock.”
“For me, too. Were you really going to give me up for adoption?”
Her mother seemed to shrink in on herself before drawing in a breath. “It was a different time.”
Shannon stared at her. “Wait, you think I’m mad? I’m not. Mom, you were seventeen. I get it.” She paused. “Okay, that’s not true, but I get the concept. I just want to understand what happened. Everything about that meeting was uncomfortable.”
“For me, too.” Cindy crossed to her desk chair and pointed to the visitor one. “Have a seat.”
Shannon did as requested. “I’m not upset about the adoption. I want you to know that. It’s strange to think about. You’re my mom. I can’t imagine being raised by someone else.” Why would she want to be? Sure there were times when she and her mom fought, and Cindy did tend to hover, but it wasn’t like Shannon was out there living her best life. She was the one who wasdrifting and unable to admit she was engaged. Of the two of them, she seemed more flawed.
“You know I got pregnant in high school,” her mother said. “Technically it was the summer between my junior and senior year. I’d lost my mom unexpectedly and was still dealing with it. Through the local church, I was sent to a summer camp for teenagers who’d lost a parent.”
Shannon grinned. “A church sent you? They can’t have been happy about the sex thing.”
Cindy managed a faint smile. “Hopefully they never found out. As for the sex, well, it was only a couple of times the night before camp ended. I came home, I started my senior year.” Her voice turned wistful. “I had so many plans back then. College, a career.”
Shannon remembered what her senior year had been like. She’d been full of hopes and dreams with her whole life in front of her. Finding out she was pregnant would have been awful.
“What happened when you figured out you were having a baby?”
“I was in denial for a long time,” her mother admitted. “Not unusual, considering what was happening. It was only twice, and the guy and I had already broken up. I couldn’t be pregnant.” She pressed her lips together. “Only I was.”
Tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away. “I still remember the look on your grandfather’s face when I told him. He was so disappointed in me. He kept talking about my future and how a baby would ruin everything.”
She quickly put her hand on Shannon’s arm. “Don’t take that wrong. You know he loved you very much.”
“I know, Mom. It’s okay. Just tell me.” At this point she wasn’t going to judge anyone. She simply wanted information.
“We talked about me getting an abortion, but I was far enough along that I wasn’t comfortable with that. So I decided the best thing was to give you up for adoption. By thenI’d already heard back from a couple of colleges. I was probably going to get financial aid.”
Shannon didn’t ask about her biological father. She already knew that part of the story. He and his family hadn’t wanted anything to do with her.
“A friend of my father’s told us about a lawyer who specialized in private adoptions. It seemed like the easiest way to handle things.” Her mom shook her head. “I was given a notebook filled with applications. There were maybe a half dozen couples looking for a baby.” She smiled. “Everyone wanted you.”
Shannon laughed. “They didn’t want me specifically, Mom. They wanted a baby, and I was going to be that.”
“No, they knew you were special, just like I did.” Her smile faded. “I read through all the material. There was something about Ava and Milton. She was young, still in her twenties, and I thought that would be good. And maybe it was a little because she looked like me. I thought it would be nice if you and your mother shared features and coloring. So we met.”
Shannon couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be so young and scared and meeting the people who would take your child and raise it.
“You were terrified,” she said, listening without judgment. Later, when she was alone, she would process what she was being told.
“I was, but they were lovely. Gracious and kind. So understanding. Ava and I clicked instantly. It was like we’d always known each other. The first time we went out for lunch, just the two of us, an older woman stopped by our table and said how nice it was to see sisters getting along.” Cindy looked at her. “So I picked them.”
“Did you have doubts from the beginning?”
“Not really. I knew I was doing the right thing. Not just for you and me but for them. Ava was impressive. She’d already gotten her MBA. She and Milton were so in love—I knew they’d be together for always.”
Tears filled her mother’s eyes. “She was there for every appointment or if I just needed to talk. The bigger I got, the less my friends would hang out with me, but Ava was always available. She took me clothes shopping, and I helped her decorate your room. It was supposed to be perfect.”
Except it hadn’t been, Shannon thought. “When did you start to question your decision?”
“I can’t remember exactly. At six months, maybe. Certainly by my seventh month. I couldn’t say anything. I’d promised to give you up, and they were wonderful people. I couldn’t hurt them, and they could give you a much better life. They were both successful and wealthy. You should have seen their house.”
