“I know.” Adonis’s voice was very small. “I…I’m going to go.” He sniffed. “Will I see you again?”
That small question was almost enough to break Bash. “I hope so,” he managed to say through his tears. “I really, really hope so.”
Another long pause. Then, “Goodbye, Bash.”
“Adonis,” Bash gasped, but Adonis hung up.
Lotte slammed on the brakes. Horns shrieked behind them.
“What thefuck?”she snapped.
“Don’t,” Bash said, miserable already. He didn’t want to defend himself to her. He knew she disagreed, and he wished that things were different.
“No, I’m going to,” Lotte said. “You love him.”
“And?”
“And you arenotgoing to give up the person you love for a future you don’t want.”
Someone behind them leaned out of their car window and screamed at Lotte.
“You’re blocking traffic,” Bash said, wiping his face.
“Fuck traffic.” Lotte stuck her hand out her window, flipping off the driver behind them. Then she hit the gas, pulling an illegal turn. Tires around them squealed, and more horns sounded.
“Fuck, fuck,” Bash shouted. “What are you doing?”
“Going to fix this,” she snapped. “Hold onto something.”
Chapter 28
Adonis
The Rink at Bellford had been many things for Adonis. A prison of sorts, training for a future he didn’t want. A refuge, where he could skate away his worries. A place to nurture friendships. An arena for rivalries. Now, it was a retreat.
He hadn’t known what Bash would say when he called him. He had hoped the phone call would go differently. He had hoped that Bash would say that yes, he wanted this too, and yes, they could make it happen. He had tried to prepare himself for the idea that Bash mightnotwant the same, but hearing that Bash wanted the same but didn’t think they could…
That hurt, perhaps more than if Bash hadn’t wanted the same.
The only place Adonis wanted to go was the Rink. He wanted to skate. Not because it was what his mother wanted him to do. Not because he was competing in anything, but because he hoped it would clear his head.
Skating, finally, was a way for him to be free and to be himself. It was no longer about pleasing anyone else. It was just a way to clear his head.
He left his apartment, a skating bag over his shoulder. It was bitterly cold outside, the air tight with wind. It was beginning to snow. He hadn’t grabbed a coat, which he now regretted. He hunched his shoulders and hurried through the night.
He passed a few other students on the paths, but most were engrossed in conversation and either didn’t notice him or only nodded a polite hello. He returned it, but only because he didn’t want to be rude. Really, right now, he didn’t want to speak to anyone else.
The Rink loomed in the distance. His refuge. A haven against all the thoughts he had to untangle. He tried to breathe through the confusion and the grief—and the bits of embarrassment—that lingered after his conversation with Bash.
He knew Bash hadn’t wanted to hurt him, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
The things keeping them apart were outside of Bash’s control, right? If Bash could do something about it, he would, right?
Adonis took a deep breath. He had to let these thoughts go, at least for now. Dwelling on them wouldn’t help him get over anything. Maybe he would call Bash in the morning, and they could talk again. He didn’t like how they’d left things, and he hoped they could at least figure something out.
Adonis had bared his heart to Bash, something he never did. Something that hurt. It was vulnerable to tell someone how you felt. To hear that Bash felt the same, but didn’t think he could do anything about it…that hurt.
He was a hundred yards from the Rink. Maybe less. It was dark, the lamps along the sidewalks flickering, the blue lights on the security pillars offering a cold glow.
