My phone buzzes.
A message lights up the screen. It is from Judas.
I still didn’t come. Want to finish it off? ??
You psycho. You need help.
I type back, my face burning.
Did you like what you saw?
No.
Something in my stomach twists.
Liar.
A photo of his hard cock comes through.
I squeak and drop my phone, slapping a hand over my eyes like that might erase what I just saw.
Holy shit,I think.
I pick the phone back up anyway. I stare at the screen for a moment longer than I should. My cheeks burn, heat crawling up my neck, but I refuse to let him think this excites me.
Another message pops up.
What’s wrong? Are you touching yourself, thinking of me?
No.
I am thinking your dick looks like a shaved mole on a sunny vacation I want no part of.
There is a pause.
Wow. You really know how to turn a man off.
Boy. Not a man.
I correct.
Ha. One day, you will beg me to fuck you.
Keep dreaming.
I will. ??
I drop the phone onto the bed and stare at the wall.
He does this to me. He pulls too many emotions out of me at once. He makes me feel wanted. Then claimed. Then trapped, like I am already stuck here with him for the next two years.
He gives me just enough to make staying feel tempting. Then just enough fear to remind me why I planned to leave in the first place.
I know I am a ruin. I ruin everything I touch. But he would ruin me, too.
I have fucked up so much in my life because I always believed I wasn’t good enough. Maybe that is why I push him away. Because I know it would not be one-sided destruction.
I would ruin him, too.
