Asshole.
He laughs, unbothered. He nods toward me as he turns around.
My eyes betray me immediately. They slide down to his thick, hard cock.
I swallow, my throat tight.
Judas just stands there, lifting his arms and resting them behind his head. His muscles flex, bunching, more defined than they were a second ago. He knows exactly what he is doing. He is holding the pose just for me.
I clear my throat and force my gaze back to his face. When our eyes meet, he motions slowly to his lip, telling me to wipe the drool away.
“Fuck you,” I shout, backing into my room as heat rushes to my face.
He laughs behind me.
Then I hear Ella’s voice, how annoyed she is. “Tame that charity case. I am going home to shower.”
But Judas doesn’t move.
He stays leaning against the railing, relaxed, watching me.
Onlyme.
My chest feels tight. My thoughts scatter. I can’t focus on anything except the way he looks at me, like I am the only thing in his line of sight.
What is he doing to me?
I can’t think. I can’t breathe right.
I am losing my mind.
I feel how wet I am, and it makes me angry.
I will not let him win.
I can’t be with him.
I lift my hand and flip him off just as he steps back inside his room.
I expect him to keep Ella there, to convince her to stay, maybe even get her to shower with him or something equally stupid. Instead, all I hear is her fast footsteps running out of his bedroom, and the door slamming behind her.
I lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling.
There is a brief, ugly spark of satisfaction in my stomach. She is gone. I stopped it before it went further. As if I didn’t already know, he probably entertains every girl in school. As if that should matter.
It does not change anything.
He would never choose me.
No one ever says I’m good enough. They just keep choosing something else.
I turn onto my side, and my eyes land on my hair tie on my wrist. Instead of distracting me, it pulls me deeper into the feeling I am trying to ignore.
Even if he did choose me, I would still be the broken one. The one with missing pieces. The one who would make him search for parts of me I haven’t figured out how to put back together yet.
I am easy to want and impossible to keep.
I tell myself I am hard to love, but the truth is simpler. No one ever really tried.
