I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I had become numb. I went on with my life as if everything was usual, but it wasn’t.Iwasn’t.
Just the sight of his clothes in my closet, his macchinetta in my kitchen, his4 in 1bottle in my bathroom, next to the one I had gotten him, the things he’d left in the workshop, and the goddamn guitar pickhurt, hurt, hurt.
I had packed everything, but not before making myself a cup of coffee just to make the place smell like him again.
I had never skydived in my life, but I always imagined it felt like free falling, caught in a whirlwind, spiraling, experiencing fear and exhilaration, then beauty and a widened heart, as you prepared your landing back to reality.
Angelo had entered my life and had made me leap into the vast unknown. And I had felt all of those—freefalling, fear, beauty, exhilaration, widened heart, spiraling. But then I’d crashed onto the reality of my old life, which didn’t feel like it was mine anymore. I was holding on to something that had changed.
I hurried toward Amy, who had stopped at the herbal teas shelf.
“What else do you have for this nasty cough?” she asked in her grating voice.
“A quit smoking sign,” I said with a cheeky glance. “Amy, I could give you everything in the shop, but nothing will help as much as quitting. It can only help repair the damage if you stop damaging it daily.”
“You know, I have someone for you, June,” Amy changed the topic on me, grabbing the same herbal mix she had gotten last time. “He’s forty-five, handsome, so handsome I’d take him for a ride myself if I wasn’t twenty years older and married, and he’s nice and organized. And vegan! The female version of you, Ju—” A surging cough stopped her mid-word, and she finished the sentence by gesturing with her hand at me. “He’s new in town,” she continued as soon as she got over it. “An accountant, works from home. I’ll give him your number.”
“Don’t, Amy. Please, I’m not looking to get set up. Thanks. I’m good.”
“Nonsense. He’ll call you. I’ll come in to pay lat—” A new burst of loud cough. Amy hurried toward the door, one hand over her mouth, the other waving with the box at me, an I’m-okay-not-choking-here-at-all expression on her face.
“What the fu—” I stopped myself when Mrs. Rolin looked at me from across the line of shelves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that week, January texted.
“Sunday brunch at Tammy’s. I have something important to tell you. Please be there.”
“Of course!” I replied.
“By the way, what’s this I’m hearing about some dude renting the back of your shop?” she texted again.
You couldn’t hide anything in a small town.
“He works with Jerry and needed a place … long story. He’s gone now.” Taking a huge chunk of my heart with him.
Thumbs-up. “See you Sunday.”
Of course, I went. And met Oliver. Oliver Madden, my sister’s fiancé. Everyone was surprised, but I could tell something had been happening between them ever since he’d shown up at her friend’s funeral. No one was more surprised than our mother, who used to work for Oliver’s dad. January and I had helped clean that big house. My sister and Oliver were the same age, but I never imagined these two together.
January was beaming, her smile sunshiny—our mother used to say we should have switched names—and I couldn’t blame her. From a withdrawn, beautiful boy, Oliver had grown up to be a quietly confident, drop-dead gorgeous man who looked like he had only recently learned to smile. His eyes smiled, even if his lips didn’t whenever he looked at my sister.
“I’m so happy for you,” I whispered to her when everyone else—her sons, Tammy’s, and all the grownups—were out in the backyard. “He seems wonderful. I knew something was keeping you in Wayford.”
“Oliver reminds me of you sometimes,” January said. “You both treat feelings like it’s a scary disease and you’re wearing a mask so you won’t catch them. I ripped his off.” She laughed. “Take your mask off, June; your immune system for feelings will only get stronger.”
I scoffed. My sister knew the right metaphors to use with me.
“When’s the wedding?” I asked instead of telling her that Angelo would have agreed with her. Just by being himself, he’d forced me to rip layers off, letting parts of me that I hadn’t even fully realized I had buried come up to breathe. They say that the first breath is painful.
It goddamn was.
“The wedding will be soon. I’ll be January Raine-Madden.” She laughed, turning her palms up and puckering her face in acan you imagine?
I laughed and pulled her into a hug. “Congratulations!” I kept holding her tight for a long moment. “Congratulations,” I repeated when I finally let go, and January looked at me, surprised.
“What?” I asked.
