“So have you told him yet?” she asks as she pulls my hair back and up, experimenting with styles.
“Told who what?” I ask.
“I’m thinking up. Your hair is going to be half up, half down. It’s against the rules to have the same hairstyle as the bride,” she says.
“Have you told Damien that he’s Luca’s father?” She asks, and I stop.
“No,” I answer hesitantly.
“And why not?” she asks. The question comes out so casually you’d think she was asking if I’d decided to buy a pair of shoes.
“Because he’s going to freak,” I let out, and I realize how stupid that sounds.
“Ellie. You can’t keep something like that from someone. I don’t think he’s going to react the way you think. How would you feel about a loose side braid? Your hair is thick enough; I think it could look elegant.”
I stare at my sister in the mirror without saying anything.
“What? Maybe some little flowers tucked in. Oh! We could do baby’s breath. Understated, yet lovely.”
“I know my boss, Rache. He is absolutely going to freak. He doesn’t want a family.”
“How do you know that?” she asks, swooping my hair back around to the other side. I pull away to face her.
“Because he told me. His childhood was a mess. He’s got a lot of…baggage,” I say.
“Childhood trauma shouldn’t stop him from being a father to his own son. You’ve seen him with Luca. He’s amazing with him, isn’t he?”
I bite the inside of my cheek as an answer.
“See? Besides, most men aren’t ready for commitment of any type until they meet someone who makes them want it. It’s how men work. Like their brains are made up of all these little mechanisms that aren’t activated until a woman comes along and pushes the go button. Or in this case, a little boy. I just don’t understand why you’re so hesitant.”
I think about it for a moment. But I know full well why I don’t want to say anything. If I tell him and he’s not happy about it, he will go away. He won’t come around making mac and cheese with us. He won’t sit with me on the couch drinking wine and talking about his childhood. He won’t insist on making love to me at his house instead of the Opal Room. Our relationship willgo back to feeling contractual. And that’s if he doesn’t fire me altogether. Being the masked girl from his past is one thing. Telling him he’s the father of my child is another.
“I worry that if he knows, I’ll lose my job,” I say. “It would be inappropriate, you know?”
“I doubt he’d fire you,” she says.
“You don’t know him. He’s a hard man,” I argue.
“Is he though? Because from what you’ve told me, he’s actually a really amazing man who just has a lot of walls up.”
My heart speeds up as I think about that. I’d love that to be the truth. I’d love to think that if I told him Luca is his, he’d be overjoyed. That we could soften his heart. That the Phantom actually has a heart.
But I can’t risk it. Not right now anyway. If I lose my job, I’m not the only one it would hurt. I just promised my sister to keep helping her financially with her IVF treatments. Not only that, but ever since the festival and the volcanic slime incident, Luca asks about Damien daily.
I also don’t know if my heart could handle losing whatever has been going on. This version of Damien is like someone from a dream. Something I never dared to dream, if I am being honest. And so I lie. Because there is so much at stake, so many hearts involved, I lie.
“I’ll talk to him.”
“Good!” she hugs me from behind. “And this is absolutely the dress.”
I take in a shaky breath and let it out with a small, unsure smile. For someone whose life seems to finally be coming together, I sure feel like I am one loose screw from everything falling apart.
Chapter 36
Damien
“Say it,” Diego says the moment I get off the elevator.
