“I’m not in denial because I’m not in love,” I state. “I never have been, and I never will be.”
“How do you figure?” he asks.
“Because I don’t allow it,” I answer.
Diego studies me for a moment. This man is my best friend. He is the closest anyone has ever gotten to being someone I care about. But even he can’t break the armor, even if he does know what’s under it.
“Not everyone loses the one they love, D,” he says softly, and my jaw vice grips.
“Those statistics can’t be proven,” I say. “…and when it does happen, it either breaks people or makes them hard. My father was hard.”
“And you broke.”
My eyes do their best to assault him, but for every wall I have, Diego seems to have a sledgehammer handy. “I was a kid.”
“Listen, Damien. All I’m saying is if you have feelings for Ellie–”
“I don’t.”
“But if you did…fighting it is useless because feelings grow. They’re never stagnant. They’re like an itch. An itch that won’t go away until you scratch it. The longer you spend time with her, the worse it’s going to get.”
I think about that. I am literally chewing my tongue hard enough that I think it’s starting to bleed. “She drives me crazy,” I admit. “I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know how long I can take it.”
“So fire her,” he says.
“What?”
“If she’s causing you this many problems and you don’t care about her, fire her. Find someone with no baggage and no connections to your heart. Then you won’t have to worry about any of this. You know, since you don’t fall in love…ever.”
I drum my fingers on the desk, and I can tell by how amused he is that Diego thinks he’s got me pinned. Finally, after one of our routine stare offs, he turns away. “I need to get to work.”
“Yeah, you do,” I agree with him, but it’s the only thing I am going to agree with. He’s got a lot of nerve digging into my life like that, best friend or not. I’m sure that’s a normal best friend thing to do. When it comes to relationships of any type, I’m not exactly known for being normal. I don’t keep a lot of friends, either. I’m an only child, and I haven’t spoken to my father in years. The relationship isn’t strained, it’s nonexistent. Ever since I hit the jackpot in the investing market and was able to open my first hotel, I’ve had him blocked on all accounts. If there was anything I learned about my father, it’s that I don’t need him and never have.
I guess you could say I adopted that same mentality with anyone who’s walked into my life. No strings, no feelings, no relationship. Period. If Diego wasn’t in the business with me and hadn’t been through all my shit with me since college, those rules would apply to him too.
Unfortunately though, being friends with someone as aggravating as he is, I’ve had to do a lot of reflecting on my truths alone. I may have a lot of walls up, but they’re not all stone. The one glaring truth right now is that while I don’t know how I feel about Ellie, I could never get rid of her. Considering the fact that ever since I got to work today, I’ve had to practically chain myself to my desk so I wouldn’t go hunting her down, I think it’s safe to say I can’t do without her. It would be damn near impossible.
Chapter 29
Ellie
Ihave always been an optimist. I think when you have a dazzling older sister and parents who want the picturesque family, you kind of have to look at the world through rose-colored glasses because if you don’t, you won’t fit in. Even through everything, I have tried to remain hopeful. I work hard, and I believe in myself even when no one else seems to. But right now, I am feeling a little more glass half empty. Every silver lining has a cloud inside it.
Today, I am wearing pants. I’m not in the mood to flounce around in one of Damien’s hand- picked costumes. For one, he’s not going to be looking at me, so what’s the point? But also, I want to make a statement. A statement that I will do what I want, and I will survive any storm that drops from the sky.
I skipped grabbing him coffee so I could avoid him altogether. My plan is to get in, throw all my belongings into a box, cry for a few minutes while I mourn losing the most gorgeous high- rise office I’ve ever had and then leave, forcing myself to never look back.
But as I place a cup of freshly sharpened pencils in a box, I hear a knock on the door.
“Hello,” Diego says, pausing before walking in. He’s a tall, lean man who looks like he runs more than he lifts weights. He’s always smiling, and his body language is very casual. “Mind if I come in?”
“Doesn’t matter to me,” I say, taking a sip of my iced latte. I’m going to miss the coffee here. Going back to a normal coffee pot in a dentist’s office break room is going to be a very sad downgrade. “I don’t own the place.”
“Whatcha’ doin’?” Diego asks while nodding towards the box. His hands are in his pockets.
“Packing,” I state the obvious.
“Why?” he presses. Jesus, no wonder he drives Damien crazy.
