I picked out a few words here and there…in love…forever…wrong.
Fuck.I slipped out of bed and padded to the door, the chilled room nipping at my bare legs as I pressed my ear to the door. No, I wasn’t above eavesdropping, not when myvery important official mission had gone off the rails in such spectacular fashion.
Not when I was fucking sleeping in the Dark Prince’s castle, and the Triune was what?
Real?
And we were expected to find it?
Besides, it wasn’t like Ryland or Varian were exactly forthcoming with their plans, and the only way I’d stay one step ahead of them was to gather as much intel as I could.
Godsdamn it. They were so quiet I could barely hear anything…
“…we make something work between the three of us?”
I frowned, pressing my ear tighter to the wood, panic rising when I finally realized what, exactly, they were discussing. They were both…in love with me? And what they wanted…
Me. Them.Us?
Preposterous.What Ryland was suggesting was absolutely insane, and who the fuck was he to decide how things were going to work between us? Varian was right. Damn straight, I was stabbing them both the second the Shadowlands were behind us.
Except…the more Ryland talked, the more sense everything made.
A simple solution that had been staring us in the face all those years ago, but we’d been too blind—or too young—to see it. And it wasn’t like the idea was without precedent. Look at Anaria, Tavion, Tristan, Raz, and Zor.
Or Torin, Zeph, Simon, and Cosimo.
Fuck, the entire royal court of Valarian was made up of nontraditional matings, and I’d never heard a single complaint out of any of the aristocrats, who seemed tocomplain about every-fucking-thing at every royal audience I’d ever attended.
Me, and Varian and Ryland.
Just the thought sent heat rushing through my body like a bellows over a fire, skin tingling with terror and excitement, anticipation and a little fear. And something even worse—or better—swooped in behind that, a warm, aching sweetness, filling up the vacuum at my center, the way dawn wiped away the bad dreams of the night before.
Not since that morning on the tenement house roof had I dared consider my future with as much unbridled hope as I did right now.
What if I could have everything I’d ever wanted? Maybe I could be more than a hired sword, or the queen’s protector, or Commander of the Dreadwatch. Maybe I could be happy. Be safe. Be…loved.
I backed away from the door, dropping my hands, letting my fingers trail down the rough wood, almost hoping I might end up with a splinter, something working beneath my skin, a painful reminder that hopes and dreams were as dangerous as a sharpened blade.
Because everything I’d ever wanted was right on the other side of this door, and I was a fool if I thought after every evil act I’d committed in my life, I deserved any part of that happiness.
People like me didn’t deserve happiness.
People like me didn’t deserve love.
No, we were doomed to atone for our deeds, doomed to suffer, and in the end, even pain might not be enough to buy our way into the Great Beyond. Not that I had any hope of getting there myself, but sometimes, it was nice to think there was something waiting for me after this, that Valarian wasn’t the end of all things.
Tears pricked my eyes, my throat closing as boots scuffed against the floor outside, shuffling away until they were nothing but echoes. I climbed back into Ryland’s bed—alone—until the fire died out completely, not daring to dream about the future.
Because I knew how easily those dreams could be taken away.
22
LYRAE
My wet leathers shrank by the fire overnight and squeezing my aching, stiff legs and arms into them was a feat best left for a carnival contortionist.
Thank the gods I was alone, because if anyone saw me get dressed, I would have never heard the end of it.
