Conflicted, that’s what he was, and my stomach fell as I eyed him across the corridor, feet shifting back and forth. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was nervous, and I could count on one hand the times I’d seen Ryland Storme nervous.
He’s saying goodbye before he sends me home, back to Valarian, sends me away so he can have Lyrae for himself.
He’s clever; he’ll find another way to locate the treasure, maybe convince Lyrae to help him, fuck knows he’s good at that, convincing people to do what’s against their best interests, just like he’s always done with me, and I’m not leaving, he can’t force me to…
“Rooke is a pompous bastard, but he’s right. We’re both in love with Lyrae. We’ve been in love with her…well, forever.” I stayed quiet, lest I point out I’d been in love with her longer. Not that time gave me any sort of claim on her, but those extra few years, they had to give me…an edge, or something.
“I’ve been thinking…” He cleared his throat again, tension building between us. “Ever since we crossed into the Shadowlands, I’ve been thinking, wondering, more like it, if we’ve been going about this all wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if…could we, uhm, could we make something work between the three of us?” He blew out a breath, his smirk turning to something sincere, something that might have been a plea for forgiveness. “It always bothered me, the way you were left on the outside, when I know that wasn’t what Lyrae wanted. Not really.”
I sucked in a quick breath, hope flaring at how easily that crazy idea suddenly seemed…possible. Then as quickly as anticipation kindled, that bright spark faded, because when it came to Lyrae, nothing was ever simple.
“She’d never go for that. Never,” I insisted.
“She’s barely past despising both of us. Best case scenario, she’s tolerating our existence for the duration of this mission and we’ll both be lucky if she doesn’t slip a knife between our ribs once we’re back in Tempeste. And you’re expecting her to what…agree to a threesome?”
“Not…” Ryland dragged his hands through his hair. “I’m trying to fucking figure out how not to lose both of you, godsdamn it. And no matter how I figure this, somebody gets hurt, unless we figure out a way to make this work.”
“You meanI’llget hurt?” I muttered bitterly. “Because that’s the truth of it, right? I’ll be the odd man out, like always.”
“No, Varian, not this time.” Ryland tipped his head back against the opposite wall, sounding exactly like I felt. Worn down to the bones by this life. Tired of never winning, of being splintered apart by our past mistakes.
“This time we both get what we want.” Something dangerous burned in his eyes, a hint of the old Ryland. “And what we want is Lyrae Antares. And I know that somewhere, deep down inside, she still wants us.”
“You sound pretty godsdamned sure about that.” I was just as sure, but the road from here to happiness was long and convoluted and to get there, we still had to find the Triune, free Kaden Rooke, and kill Gravelock.
But the idea—that wild, reckless idea—had sunk its claws into me and wouldn’t let go, and the fact that Ryland wanted the same thing somehow made this seem even more possible.
“There are two things in this life I’ve never doubted: Lyrae and you. If there was a way for us all to be together, to be happy at the end of this…wouldn’t you jump at that chance?”
The answer came instantly. “I would.”
Happiness was possible, I supposed, thinking back to the Fae Queen, the males gathered around her like a living, breathing shield. Somehow, in the madness of the Citadelle, they were making their complicated relationship work.
Not only that, they’d walked through blood and fire and gods-knew-what-else to get to where they were, and they’d actually looked…content, the few times I’d seen them together.
So why the fuck couldn’t we do the same?
21
LYRAE
Voices from my dream woke me up.
Screaming for me toreach, reach, reach, water and ice crashing around me in a froth of frozen bubbles as I flailed against the frozen darkness…foreverlosing.
Losing the light, the air in my lungs guttering away to nothing. Then my eyes flew open and the voices turned to whispers, murmuring right outside my door.
Two voices. Male.Intense.
Not fighting, not exactly, more like…having a heated discussion.
I opened my eyes to a strange room, the fire burning so low the embers’ orange glow barely crept across the wooden floor, my aching body smothered—not beneath a coating of thick ice, but layers of warm blankets. I’d been sleeping so soundly it took me a moment to remember I was safe in the dark, not drowning beneath the water.
I listened harder. That was Ryland. And Varian.
