“I’m heading to Lake Placid.”
“For Ivy?” she asks. I can only imagine her smug expression, even if she sounds cool and composed.
“Yes, who else? Even if I can’t see her race, it’s my time to show up and support her.”
I’m expecting her family to be at the last race of the season, which means they’ll all be there when I show up. I can’t help wondering what they’ll think when they see me, when they realize I’m not who I used to be. The thought unsettles me, but then I think of Ivy and how good she is, how she always makes people feel at ease. If her family’s anything like her, maybe I don’t have to worry as much as I think I do.
“That’s a huge step,” Mel comments.
I nod, hope and nerves twisting together in my chest. For weeks, I’ve been learning how to live without hockey in my life. Now, maybe, I get to learn how to live again with her by my side.
“It only feels right, because she showed up for me when I couldn’t stand on my own. And now…now I want to do the same. If all I get in return is to hear her voice, even briefly, I’ll be glad I went. That’s what love does to a person.”
She hums knowingly. “Then go show up.”
Uncle Jake’s truck smells of the peppermint gum he always chews and the same air freshener he’s used for years. It’s oddly comforting. The heat is blasting, making the cabin a bit too warm, but I don’t bother adjusting it to a cooler setting. A classic rock station plays on the radio, the tunes perfect for the stretch of road in front of us. We’ve made this trip a few times in the past for hockey tournaments and the familiarity is comforting.
“You sure about this?” Jake asks.
“Nope, but I’m doing it anyway.”
He huffs out a short laugh. “Sounds about right. You were never the one to stop and consider your plans before acting.”
“What, you’re not going to try to stop me or anything?” I tilt my head toward him, one eyebrow raised.
“You think I could even if I wanted to?” Humor laces his voice. “That’s the thing about you—you go after what you want, no matter what.”
I appreciate that my uncle gets me and never judges my actions. He’s been there since I was a kid, helping me the best way he can. He was often the negotiator between me and my parents. And he was the first person I called after the televised interview to vent. He didn’t argue with my decision to go no contact with Dory and Sandra, promising, “Whatever you need, I’m here.”
“You’ve changed,” he says after a while.
I fold my arms. “Thanks?”
“No, you don’t get it. I meanreallychanged. Not because of the unexpected blindness or the early retirement. It’s in how you carry yourself. I look at you now and I finally see you. Not the act.”
The comment lands hard. I turn away from him, facing the window, my jaw tight. It’s strange; his words feel like both a compliment and a jab. Hearing them from Jake means they’re true, and truth hurts when it reminds me of who I used to be.
“I’m not saying it was all fake pre-accident,” he explains. “Some of it was survival. The management wanted a golden boy like your parents did. You were trying to keep everyone from seeing how scared you were by acting out. We both know my sister’s always been obsessed with appearances, whereas your father would rather maintain control over everything else.Together they are the worst pair I could ever imagine.” His voice stays steady, but there’s a weight behind it. “I always saw it, you know. Even when you were putting on a show and everyone else bought it. I knew there was more to your actions. I never understood why you had to party and get yourself in the headlines. It never did you any good. But you were a grown man, so I let it be, because sometimes learning the hard way is the only way to go.”
I press my lips together, blinking fast. His words scrape at old guilt I’ve carried for years. I want to defend myself, but deep down I know he’s right. “I was so damn cold and uncaring.”
“You were never cold,” he corrects me. “Only scared and lonely. All while trying damn hard to earn love from people who are unworthy of your time.”
I stare out of the windshield, keeping my attention fixed ahead. It’s easier to watch the shadowed world through glass than admit how much his words cut open. Yet, I needed to hear them as a reminder of how I’ve changed. “Well, I definitely learned my lesson. I only wish it didn’t come at such a heavy price.”
“It’s easy to focus on the negatives, but think about what you have gained instead. I’ve enjoyed seeing how you’ve opened up your heart, not running when the feelings got real. Someone would argue you’re doing the opposite.”
I laugh under my breath. The sound comes out uneven, a mix of nerves and joy. “You’re right. I’m running toward her, not away.”
Jake lets out a thoughtful hum, then asks, “You love her?”
“Yeah, I do.” I don’t hesitate, because loving her isn’t somethingI question anymore. Instead, it’s the clearest truth I’ve ever spoken. “So fucking much.”
“Took you long enough, Teddy Bear.”
“I was scared,” I confess, tapping the armrest to the beat of the background music. “Without many good examples of love in my life growing up, I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. It took me a while to understand that what I had with Ivy was the real thing.”
“Of course you were scared. Because loving someone for real is the riskiest play there is. You know…I found someone. Someone really special.”
