“And nor should you,” Clarissa assured her. “I know His Grace well, remember…” She looked pointedly at Sophia, as if she wanted Sophia’s mind to wander to the obvious place. “And let me tell you, his skin is quite thick. It has to be,” she laughed.
“That is not… there is nothing to the rumors. His Grace and I are happy.”
“I am sure that you are,” she purred. “And who cares if he is not affectionate toward you. I am sure it means nothing at all. Some people show love through physical affection, and others show it in other ways…” She smiled and fluttered her thick eyelashes. “No doubt, when the two of you are alone, things are different.”
Clarissa was squeezing Sophia’s hand a little tighter than she needed to, and the way she looked right at her was off-putting and strange. Her words, while appearing kind, carried an edge to them, and Sophia had no doubt that the woman was not being as caring as she wished to appear.
“We are,” Sophia said with little conviction.
“I do find it surprising though,” Clarissa continued. “From what I know of His Grace, he is very affectionate. Too much, if memory serves – oh! Forget I said that.” She laughed gaily. “Look at me, speaking out of turn.” She rested her other hand on top of the one already holding Sophia. “If you and His Grace are happy, that is all that matters.”
“Thank you…”
“And personally, I rather like this new side of you. Many men might not, they find such forwardness and personality off-putting. But that you do not care, doing it for you, well…” She beamed and squeezed Sophia’s hand so tight that it hurt. “I just think that is so brave. Truly.”
There could be no doubt that Clarissa was being patronizing. There was a hidden message underneath her words, subtle barbsthat she really wanted to sting. Sophia tried to pretend it did not bother her, but she was only so strong.
They walked back to the music room together, arm-in-arm, and Sophia could not escape the feeling that Clarissa was behaving this way for a reason. The moment they reached the other guests, she knew what that reason was.
“There you are.” Clarissa released her arm and swept toward Gabriel the moment they saw him across the room. “I have been looking for you all evening.”
“Lady Clarissa…” Gabriel took her hand and gave the back of it a kiss. Sophia winced when she saw his lips press on the woman’s milky white skin. “I did not know you were here. I thought I might have heard the dogs howling if you were.”
“Oh, you!” She slapped him playfully on the chest and then, Sophia noticed, refused to let go of his hand. Worse still, she stepped purposefully between them, blocking Sophia right out. “Come, Gabriel, we have much to discuss.”
“I…” He looked past her. “Sophia, when are you performing?”
Sophia did not respond. Her stomach twisted to see the way Clarissa was acting toward her husband, and it tightened when she noticed that he was not pulling back or distancing himself. It was as if he liked it…
“Sophia?” he asked again.
“Oh…” She shook her head to clear it. “Soon, I think.”
“Find me before you begin,” he just managed to say before Clarissa dragged him away.
It might have been easy to blame Clarissa and not Gabriel for what just happened; the notion that he was being polite and had no desire to speak with her – that she was forcing it upon him. But if there was one thing that Sophia knew about her husband, it was that he didn’t do what he thought would be polite. In fact, he made a point of doing only what he wanted. If Clarissa was annoying him, he would let her know. And that he was happy to go with her…
You are being ridiculous, Sophia. Utterly insane. They are just friends. That is all. There is no need to worry.
If that was the case… why did they stand so close when they spoke? Why was her hand on his arm, and his hand on the small of her back? Why was he showing her more affection than he had shown Sophia since they married?
These thoughts raged and battled throughout her head as she stood back and watched them across the room. The walls turned around her, her stomach sunk through the floor, and when she was approached and told that it was time to perform, she very nearly said no.
Sophia started across the room toward Gabriel but found herself slowing down. Clarissa still spoke with her hand on Gabriel’s arm, and he still appeared fully engaged in whatever she wassaying. Sophia’s chest suddenly tightened, and while she knew that she was being silly…Am I? Or is there a good reason I feel this way?
For that reason, she decided not to fetch Gabriel.
Rather, she approached the pianoforte, settled herself down, and started to play. There were two score guests in the room, and they stood back as they listened. Most did so in silence, while many whispered between themselves.
Sophia tried to focus on the music. She tried to let it flow through her freely, the way it had done these last few weeks. She tried to forget everything and be one with the keys so that her heart was playing and not her head. But out the side of her eye, she could see Gabriel and Clarissa deep in conversation.
Her fingers slipped, she slammed the wrong note, the guests winced, and she hurried to correct her mistake.
Perhaps she was imagining it? In the back of her mind, Sophia could have sworn she heard the laughter of Clarissa and Gabriel. Her fingers faltered again, the wrong notes were struck, she tried to correct herself, but she continued to watch her husband who paid her no attention at all.
The performance was an abject failure but that mattered little.
Even once she was done, Gabriel did not come to her – she did not think he even noticed that she was playing. While so muchhad gone right these past two weeks, all Sophia could focus on now was what had gone wrong.
