Her marriage to Gabriel had been missing something, she knew now what that was, and while earlier she was happy to wait and be patient for it to come, she was well out of patience.
She needed answers and she needed them now.
CHAPTER 25
“You played well tonight,” Gabriel said. “The best you have played yet.”
Sophia looked at her husband across the carriage. It was dark, as night had fallen, and the heavy shadows that fell across his face made him hard to see. But she could see his eyes, the smile he wore in them, one that was so honest that she almost believed every word that he spoke.
But it’s a lie. How could he know how I played if he was not listening? He is telling me what he thinks I wish to hear, which makes me wonder what else he has said just so that I might feel placated? Is everything he has said and done a lie?
“Thank you,” Sophia said before looking away. She focused on the window, the darkness beyond, broken only by the peppering of starlight across the black sky.
Nothing was said for a few moments. It was not the first silence that had fallen on them since they left the Blackwell residence, but it was easily the most profound. Where before, the silence had felt natural, the result of a long afternoon and the need to rest, this one felt purposeful.
Indeed, this silence was tense in ways that harkened back to the early days of their marriage.
“Sophia…” Gabriel shifted across from her. “Is something the matter?”
“No,” she said without looking. “Why would it be?”
“No reason.”
“Good,” she said, still without looking. “Everything is fine. I am just a little tired, is all. It has been a big day.”
She could feel Gabriel watching her through the darkness. She could literally sense his confusion, the lack of certainty that she was giving him. He must have known that something was wrong, just as he must have known that he was the cause.
Would he voice it? Would he push? Did he even care? Sophia knew the answer… and when he sighed and slunk down in the seat, content not to raise the issue, she was not in the least bit surprised.
Strange that this single moment hurt more than anything else. It was one thing to suspect that he did not care about her, but to have it proven was another thing entirely.
Am I reading too much into it? Or is it that the veil has finally been lifted, and the result is so blinding that I can’t fathom how I was able to not see what is right there in front of my face?
Sophia felt like a damn fool. All this time, she had managed to convince herself that she and Gabriel were in a good place. Their marriage felt strong, their relationship was personal and deep, and while it was still slow going, she had known in her heart that they were headed down the right path.
Now, she was forced to concede that it was all in her head. They walked two different paths, with two different end points. Where she saw this marriage as leading somewhere, he saw it as a means to an end. And rather than tell her so, he was content to lead her on, likely hoping that by the time she realized it would be too late to do anything.
The question now became, what was Sophia going to do about it?
As sad as it was to admit, she was not ready to give up on Gabriel just yet. The doubts that played havoc with her were caused by Lady Clarissa’s poisonous words, and there was a good chance that Sophia was overreacting – she prayed that she was.
Before she decided what was to be done, she needed to ask Gabriel directly how he felt. She needed answers. She needed…dammit, she needed to know that by opening her heart, she wasn’t dooming herself to sorrow.
Tomorrow… once I am rested… then, I will talk to him. Best to wait until emotions are settled and I’ve had a chance to think.
It was the right idea, Sophia knew. A shame how quickly good ideas became forgotten when situations shifted. Worse, when emotions got involved…
“Sophia, wait.”
Sophia was halfway across the foyer when her husband called to her. Having just walked inside, she said a quick goodnight before hurrying toward the staircase, her intent to go to bed before she did or said something that she might regret.
His call had the effect of a hand reaching out and grabbing hold of her. She tried to pull away. She tried to ignore it. Was this the Sophia of last month, she would have effortlessly offered him a shy smile, apologized for acting so strange, and left it at that.
So much had changed this last month… Sophia especially.
“What is wrong?” His footsteps echoed off the floor as he crossed toward her. She was not facing him, but she wasn’t walking away either. “And do not say that nothing is wrong. Don’t lie to me.”
“I would never lie to you…”
