“That is not what this is about.”
“It is,” he said simply. “It’s also about a lot more…” He took a sip of the dark liquor in his glass and sucked through his teeth. “This last week, it has not been as easy for me as I might have liked, Sophia. It should have been. I should not have even noticed it as any different to every week that came before. And yet…” His shoulders slumped. “When I heard what had happened to you, where you were, I cannot begin to explain the fear that took me, Sophia. When I thought that you were hurt or… or worse…” His body convulsed. “I was terrified.”
She did not speak, but only because she had no idea what to say. Instead, she walked further into the room, approaching the Duke as if he was a skittish cat that she had to be careful not to frighten.
And he let her approach. With each step that she took, she could sense him relax just a little bit. As if her presence was a tonic that he needed to survive.
“I was wrong what I said to you,” he continued, his voice turned soft and sorrowful. “The implication that you owe me or that… that you should be grateful.” He scoffed. “I did not mean it.”
“Then why did you say it?”
“For many reasons,” he said bitterly. “Mostly, I felt that I must. This marriage was supposed to be one thing, and that it is something different, confused me. It even frightened me.”
“Something different?”
“I thought the easiest thing to do was to push you away,” he said, ignoring the question, needing to push through. “But this last week has shown me that such actions are not easy – what happened to you has shown me I was wrong. I don’t want to push you away, Sophia. I never did.”
“What do you want?”
He winced and looked away. “I wish I knew.”
“That is not an answer, Gabriel.” She stood five feet back, close enough that a few steps forward would see her reach him. But she hesitated to close the gap, sensing that the time was notquite right. “It is the absence of an answer, which leaves us in the same position as we have been all week. Since we married.”
Surprisingly, Gabriel laughed. “You really have changed. The Sophia who I married would never… she would have rather died than dare to correct me.”
“I almost did die.”
“Don’t…” Shame passed behind his eyes.
“The Gabriel who I married might have let me die, rather than admitting fault.” She was sure to smile so he would know that she was joking. “It seems that we are both changing.”
His smile was hesitant and unsure. His dark eyes roamed her in search. But for what, she could not say. The crackle of the fire was the only noise heard, but even the flames’ light seemed suffocated. In that moment, it was just she and Gabriel, sizing one another up, deciding what to do and where to go from here.
And then, Gabriel took a step forward and reached for her hand. She gave it without thinking, and the moment his large paw wrapped her smaller one, she felt the comfort in it, she felt the warmth spread through her, and she felt the truth in his words, how sorry he was, and how desperate he was to change.
“I’ve spent my whole life keeping people at arm’s length,” he said seriously, unblinking, still holding her hand. “Raised to act a certain way, I saw it as my duty to do the complete opposite.” Helaughed softly and shook his head. “You can thank my father for that, although I certainly won’t. Nor will I blame him for what I am.”
“What you are…?”
“A scoundrel,” he said with a touch of humor, but there was a hint of truth behind it. “Not husband material – which was the entire point. But as has been proven again and again, things change, don’t they? And when they do, we either change with them, or we wither and die.”
“Are those our only options?”
“I am sorry, Sophia, for what I said and how I have behaved. You might not want to forgive me, but please know that I mean every word.”
Sophia studied her husband.
She looked at him. Reallylooked. From his sunken shoulders to his miserable pout to the pain behind his eyes. As hard as her week had been, she saw now that his had been the same. Yes, words were said, and yes, she had been right to be angry about them. But that he was apologizing… it was more than she thought he was capable of.
That he had saved her life certainly didn’t hurt either.
Besides, Sophia had to admit that her husband was not entirely to blame. As confused as he was, she was just as much, and that had borne out in the way she’d acted.
“I suppose I must apologize also,” she said.
He frowned. “You have nothing to –”
“This marriage has been confusing for both of us,” she powered over him. Then, she wrapped her spare hand over his. “Neither of us knew what to expect, nor did we know how to act. It has muddied the water, leaving us both to kick and push just to keep our heads from sinking…” She smiled, and he smiled back. “I am far from perfect, and my actions have reflected that.”
