“At least let me check with His Grace,” the stableboy tried. “I am sure he will want to know.”
“Believe me when I tell you that he will not.”
“Might I check? Just to set my own mind at ease.”
“You may check,” she said. “But I will be long gone by the time you are given an answer.” The stableboy’s face dropped and Sophia sighed with guilt. “What is your name?”
“Marcus, Your Grace.”
“Marcus, listen closely. This is my home, yes? This horse and everything in this stable, it technically belongs to me, correct?”
“I…” His brow tightened as he searched for an answer. “Technically, yes. But –”
“So, if I wish it, I can do as I please and you cannot stop me.”
“That is… I mean… well, yes, technically –”
“Just as His Grace cannot stop me,” she spoke over him. He trembled with nervousness, and Sophia felt quite guilty for what she was doing to him. He was trying to do the right thing, and in ordinary circumstances she would have listened. But these were not ordinary circumstances. “I assure you that His Grace will not care what I do.”
“He will!” Marcus cried. “With the storm coming, I know he will at least want me to –”
“To listen to me,” she spoke over him. “Please, Marcus, I do not want to put you in an awkward place, but you leave me little choice. Now, are you going to let me go, or are we going to have a problem?”
Sophia knew that Marcus the stableboy would give in to her demands. He had no choice in the matter, even if his conscience was fighting against it. In his mind, he was doing the right thing, what any stableboy would do in such a situation as this. Sadly, for him, he could not possibly understand the deeper context and why Sophia knew the Duke would not care what she was doing. Impending storm or no.
Am I being stubborn? Should I listen to what is clearly good advice? Probably, I should, but common sense is beyond me right now. I am at my wits end and this is the natural result…
It was easy for Sophia to tell herself that she was not doing this because she wanted Gabriel to notice her. Just as it waseasy to tell herself that she was doing this because she could – she was free, wasn’t she? So why should she not be able to go for an afternoon ride when she wanted it? And why should her husband care?
However, there was still that part of her that wondered what Gabriel would say when he learned what she did… and if he would give a damn. She had spent all week trying to ignore it. She had spent all week forcing Gabriel from her mind. But he was still there, lingering painfully close, and until she proved that she did not need him, he might never leave her alone.
She was doing this for herself… so that she might survive.
“No, Your Grace.” With great reluctance, the stableboy stepped back and out of the way. “We do not have a problem.”
“As I thought.” She offered him a thankful smile, which he did not see because his head was bowed. Then, with nothing else for it, she grabbed a hold of the saddle and hoisted herself up. “Oh!” she yelped as she stumbled, nearly fell, only to find her footing. “There we are…”
Every time that Sophia had ridden as a girl, she had done so side-saddle. That was proper and the only way a lady ought to ride, at least according to her mother. But Sophia did not have to worry about her mother right now, nor did she have to worry about her husband. For that reason, she wore a flowing skirt that allowed her to sit the saddle as a man might.
“I will be back within the hour,” she assured Marcus. “Tell His Grace if you feel you must, but I assure you he will not care.” The truth of those words struck her harder than she would have liked.
Sitting tight in the saddle, her feet in each stirrup, Sophia kicked her knees into her mount and steered it from the stable.
It was early in the afternoon, but it felt much later. Heavy storm clouds swirled black and grey and blotted out the sun, covering the sky fully, and casting the land beneath in deep shadow. The wind was wild and chaotic, and it blew through Sophia’s hair so it matted across her face. The air was moist. And in the far distance, the low rumble of thunder reverberated through the ground and across Sophia’s body.
She was shaking, she realized. Partly from excitement, because she needed to do this. And partly from fear…
Nonetheless, she guided the horse from the stable until it was on the edges of the fields that surrounded the immediate estate. She turned in her saddle, spared a final look for the manor, and kicked the horse forward. It took off at pace, she clutched tight to the saddle, and within seconds she was sprinting across the fields and toward freedom.
Sophia laughed as the horse gained speed.
She had not woken up today thinking that she would go for a ride, but as the day dragged on, as the monotony of her life continued to beat her down, she realized that if she did not dosomething soon to break tradition and drag her from her slump, then she would be trapped forever.
Was she not free? Was she not able to do what she wanted and when she wanted it? Was that not the entire point? Considering that her husband wanted nothing to do with her, whatever decision she made was her own.
For what felt like an hour, she pushed her horse forward. As she went, the clouds grew darker, the wind grew more aggressive, and the sounds of thunder in the distance came closer.
It was silly of her to ride in a storm like this but that was the point. If this marriage was about freedom, she intended to prove it so. This last week had been hard, but if Sophia could find a way to survive it, joy discovered in doing as she wished while proving that her husband truly did not care, the maybe she could carry onwards. Maybe this was the beginning, and not the end.
