What was more, the anger that she felt wasn’t really for Gabriel -- as she now forced herself to think of him -- it was herself who she was angry with.
I am so stupid, thinking that something as simple as delaying my bath was in the least bit rebellious. I wanted freedom. I have freedom. Now, it is time that I do something about it.
Easy to say, harder to do. And for the rest of her breakfast, Sophia ate in silence, contemplating what her day would look like and how she might break free of the chains that she was so used to wearing.
Ordinarily, once Sophia was finished breaking her fast, her parents would allow her an hour of ‘free time’ where she could do as she wished… within reason, of course. Sophia always read during this time, a book of her choice, outside under the shade of a tree. Today would be different.
Or rather, it was meant to be different. Sadly, once Sophia ate, and then bathed herself as she promised that she would do, she found that she could not think of an activity to occupy herself with. She walked the halls of the manor alone, giving herself a small tour, finding within the hour that she had been everywhere and seen everything of note.
Her hand shook with the desperation to find a good book to read. The manor had its own library, and oh how she wished to browse those shelves, find a new novel, and then perch herself under a tree. It was calling to her.
Is it such a bad thing to want to read? Why should I be ashamed of what I enjoy? I can do as I wish, so why not do it?
It took much convincing, but eventually, Sophia found herself in the library, she then selected a book of interest, and soon after she was outside, sitting under a tree – it would not do to burn her skin – and reading as she always did.
And honestly, it felt good to do. It felt right. Did she really have to act out to prove that she had changed? Was it not more about doing what she wanted, rather than what she was told?
She read for an hour… possibly two. The fact that there was no time limit made it feel like its own sort of rebellion. And she might have read for longer than that, was it not for Gabriel.
As she read, she felt that distinct sense that someone was watching her. She looked up and found Gabriel standing by the back door looking at her. She furrowed her brow when she saw him, and he simply shook his head, chuckled to himself, and walked inside.
Sophia should have continued to read after that, just to prove that he had no effect on her. Only, he did. For reasons that she refused to consider, she wanted to prove to Gabriel that she was capable of rebellion.
And I am! I can rebel anytime I like. But I am not going to do so just for the sake of it. That would be foolish and even dangerous.
She closed her book with a sigh… only for her eyes to drift across the garden to the stables. It was a lovely day, and she could go for a ride if she liked. Alone, too, which her parents would never allow. She licked her lips as she eyed the stable, she felt her legs shake and her pulse quicken. The urge was there… but she could not bring herself to follow through on the desire.
It was dangerous to ride alone, especially in a place she had never been before. Better to wait until she had company. Not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Yes.
Later that same day, Sophia found herself wandering the halls again, and she was relieved when her maid, Mary appeared from around the corner, if for no other reason than it was someone to speak with.
“Your Grace,” Mary greeted with a smile that was warm. “Wonderful, I was just searching for you.”
“You were?”
“Yes, Your Grace.” She came to a stop. “His Grace sent me to find you, is why.”
“Oh…” Her shoulders slumped. “Did he now?”
“He wished for me to remind you that there is a pianoforte in the music room, and he thought you might wish to play. He knows how much you enjoy it.”
For a moment, Sophia’s heart fluttered. On first inspection, she thought that Gabriel’s offer was a kindness shown, as if he was worried about her and wished to make certain that she was settling in. But she was quickly dissuaded of such folly, realizing that this was a test.
He didn’t think that she was capable of change. He did not think that she was capable of freedom. He thought that the moment she saw a chance to fall into old rhythms, she would take it. That she really was as boring as he seemed to suspect.
“I thank you for letting me know,” she said rightly. “But I am not in the mood right now…” She was. Oh, how she yearned to play. “Perhaps another time.”
“It is there for you whenever you need,” Mary told her brightly.
Sophia spent the rest of the day thinking about the pianoforte. Sitting in that room, alone, waiting for her. Begging to be played. How she yearned to feel her fingers dancing across its keys. How she pined to listen to its sweet song. It was killing her!
And it did not help that she would often spy Gabriel watching her. He did not do it in an obvious way. It was more that he would often appear suddenly in the doorway of the room that she was loitering in, at which point he would stop and smile at her.
“What?” she snapped the fourth time she spotted him. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing scandalous, I promise you. Just curious what you are doing.”
“Whatever it is that I feel like doing,” she responded in a haughty manner.
