“She felt like she was nothing, like she wasn’t worth living and she just couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t live with what she knew unless she destroyed someone else. She was so ripped up. Her last page just said everyone would be happier without her.That was it, Hope. It was because of him. Gauge drove her to it. He pushed and prodded and I don’t want to know what else.”
The silence after I say it is too heavy. The pain in my back keeps twitching, then I realize I’m shaking and shaking hard. The gasping sound isn’t Hope trying to deal with things, it’s me.
I sit up, wanting to recoil, needing to make sure I’m fine, that nothing has changed between us because the idea that she’s seen me like this is so fucking awful, makes me feel to exposed, and too weak.
But she gently turns my head to face her and presses her forehead against mine while her other hand strokes down my chest.
“Thank you, Jaxon,” she whispers. “For telling me, for trusting me, for sharing something so intense.”
I shudder as I stare into her eyes. She’s supposed to be the weak one, so why do I feel like she’s the only thing holding me up?
She leans towards me and brushes her lips across mine slowly. Her breath shakes. “She was so lucky to have you, is still lucky to have you love her this much. And you are a good man. No matter what mistakes you’ve made, no matter what others made you think, you’re a good man.”
“Don’t say that,” I whisper.
“I’m allowed to. I’m going to. And I’m going to mean it every time, Jaxon. Be violent, angry, determined to get justice… but keep being you too. Good, protective… and mine.”
I taste more than hear the last word. It’s dangerous; she should know better. So why is she saying that and why is she… fuck, she’s kissing me.
Nineteen
JAXON
Igroan as her tongue traces the valley between my lips, then I lean in and kiss her back. I cup the back of her head in my hand. All that weakness, that fear, that aching terror that toldme sharing this would be impossible is simply gone. There’s just Hope kissing me, then whispering.
“You’re supposed to be lying down. I think… I think I’m more comfortable than the bed.” Her face burns.
“Are you sure?” I breathe. “We can wait. I don’t need a reward for sharing.”
“It’s not a reward, Jax. I want to be with you. I’m tired of resisting how much I want you, how much I like you,” she pants against my mouth, guiding my hand to her breast and encouraging me to squeeze. “Don’t stop talking to me.”
I lay her back and tug her shirt up her body so I can feel her perfect tit fill my palm. I groan against her lips and nod while rolling my hips. I don’t give a shit about my back. Hope is all that matters. Tasting her, touching her, feeling her and finally being seen after feeling hidden for so long is more important.
I want to go slow, but there’s this need in me, something reckless and greedy that’s always been there, and now that Hope is sprawled beneath me, breathing my name, I just… I can’t hold it back. She’s so soft under my hands, her pulse thrumming against my own, and the way she arches to meet me, like she can’t get close enough—it makes me dizzy.
Her breath hitches as I pull her bra down slightly and bring my mouth to her nipple. Her whole body arches and she gasps, her nails biting into my shoulders. I flick my tongue over her, then pull back to watch her for just a second. She catches my stare, lips parted, eyes wide. There’s no fear. There’s nothing but want. I wonder if she knows how much that matters to me, how fucking good it feels to see her wanting this.
I move my hand to her waist, tracing under the band of her leggings, then stopping. “Hope,” I growl, “you tell me to stop and I stop. Are you sure?”
She tugs my face back to hers and kisses me, slow and messy and uncontrolled. “I want you, Jax. I just…” She bites her lip,and I almost lose it. “You lead, okay? Just… don’t stop talking to me.”
I nip her jaw. “I’ll talk all night if you want.” I slip my hand past her waistband, palm her over her panties, and the heat of her makes me groan. “You’re so wet.” I smirk, stroking her gently.
Her hips twitch against my touch, her breath catching every time I circle her clit through her underwear. I want to fuck her so badly, but I remember her trembling, how fast things can spiral for her. I want her to know I won’t ever lose control and wreck us. I’ll stay right here, teasing and talking and making her feel good until she’s desperate for more.
“Jax,” she whimpers when I dip a finger underneath her panties to find her slick and ready. “Please… more…”
She’s so far gone, she’s clinging to me and I can feel her heart pounding. I slide my finger into her and watch her face melt with relief. Her moans get louder and I decide to see how much she can take. I add a second and she clenches around me, head thrown back.
“Look at you,” I whisper, “taking me so well. Such a good girl.”
She makes a strangled noise. “Jax—”
“You want more?” I press my palm to her clit, grinding the heel of my hand against her gently and pumping my fingers slow and deep, watching her moan and fall apart for me. “Yeah, you do. You greedy little thing. What if I kept you here all day, just like this?” I curl my fingers just right and feel her body twitch beneath me.
I breathe her name against her throat and keep my rhythm steady.
Her sweet moans are getting louder, and her back arches off the bed. “Don’t stop, don’t stop,” she chants, clutching my arm.
