He pants and gets in my face. I fight everything in my body that begs me to back up. Jax is beyond furious. “What makes you think that you deserve to know, huh?”
“Do you want me to start listing reasons, Jax? Should I dive back into what high school was like?” Maybe I should, because this is exactly how he acted when his sister died and I tried to comfort him. He lashed out, tried to make me feel small and worthless.
“That’s not fair, Hope.”
“You’re not being fair either. Don’t make me out to be a stranger when so much has changed since high school. He lost your sister too. You guys don’t even have to talk about that. If you don’t want him here, then fine, but to completely—”
“Don’t talk about Daisy and him. He didn’tloseanything. He’s a fucking liar. His crocodile tears. Him saying it was just a fucking phase and the whole time… God, he was one of the kids that praised your father! And you still—”
“Then tell me, Jax. I’ll always believeyou. You don’t have to defend yourself with me,” I say, softening my voice.
Jaxon hesitates, looks at me, at the door, then takes a breath and sits on the edge of the bed. “I guess I should just be happy you didn’t tie me up or something.”
“I’m still thinking about it if you get up in my face again,” I answer, ignoring my trembling hands as I sit next to him and rub his lower back, my fingers skimming over where he’s hurt.
“Are you gonna—”
“Please stop avoiding.”
He sighs. I scoot away and pat my lap. He obediently lies down in my lap and closes his eyes. “I hate this story.”
“Hate it and let me hate it too, Jax.”
JAXON
I hate going into this and I definitely don’t want to. Hope’s thighs pillowing my head do make it better, just like not having to look at her. She starts stroking my hair, her nails dragging across my scalp until I shiver.
“I tried to protect Daisy. She was… depressed and I knew it. I knew she was upset. Something was going on, but my parentsjust kept telling me to mind my own business,” I start.Not yours to protect.
I flinch at that reminder, but Hope doesn’t shift, she doesn’t move, she doesn’t stop petting me. “They kept saying they’d take care of it if it became a problem and I was just too young to understand. She wasn’t for me to take care of. All that. I didn’t back down. I kept trying for her. I kept… I tried to be with her, to give her something good.”
“Because you’re a good man,” Hope whispers.
I wait for the catch, wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t. My face heats as my heart stutters. I don’t deserve that. Especially from her. Exhaling sharply, I feel the sharp stab in my back. “I thought she was doing better, or something. I don’t know. It was so off and on. She’d spend days in her bed, but my parents said she was up and around when I wasn’t. Why wouldn’t I believe them?”
“Of course.”
“And Gauge started spending more time with her. My parents said it was proof she was fine, that she was doing better. I was going to ignore a pick-up game that some of the guys wanted to have. I wanted to get home, had this urge to get there, but Gauge said he would be there, so there wasn’t a reason to worry…” My voice gets stickier.
Hope massages the base of my skull and I nearly moan, but I continue while squeezing her knee. “She called me while I was there. I didn’t pick up. I didn’t even hear it. I just kept up with the game, laughing and having fun, having a great time, then I got the voicemail… I ran home, but it was too late. It was… Gauge had already called the police, said he took a nap and then woke up and it was all quiet. But he didn’t go into her room. I did. She was there, there was so much blood, her lips were… I swear, she was still crying.”
“I’m so sorry, Jaxon,” she whispers.
“I’ve kept the same phone number and made sure to transfer everything so I still have her message. The shaky ‘I love you and always will’ is all I have left of her. Gauge said she didn’t leave a note… but I knew where she hid her diary,” I continue.
“I didn’t see it at the time. How could I? She didn’t tell me what was going on. She tried so hard to be normal for me. Like she knew time was running out.”
“When did you… figure it out?” she asks, not telling me I’m wrong. Not telling me I’m missing something or misunderstanding the situation or looking for someone other than Daisy to blame.
“It hit me… when your dad came back. The face you made… it reminded me of Daisy anytime she was told she’d be left alone with Gauge. I never confronted him. But with everything I know now…”
“He was on the team,” she breathes.
“Yeah. He was a fucking disciple. I talked badly about Coach once after that first dinner. I said I didn’t like how he treated you, or I asked if some people could be good and bad at the same time. I don’t even remember, but he got so pissed. Like he knew I was talking about Coach even though I don’t think I mentioned him. He lashed out, said the world was complicated and if I ever accused Coach of doing anything terrible, I wasn’t his brother anymore,” I say, it all coming up so fast, I don’t even know if I’m making sense.
“Daisy only talked about ‘him’ in her diary, I just never put the pieces together.”
“How could you? He was your brother,” she whispers.
