“Jax,” she whispers, and a blush colors her cheeks.
“Nothing to worry about, I’ll only fuck you when you ask nicely,” I tease and tuck her raven black hair behind her ear.
I can’t help the slight sting in my chest when she doesn’t answer. And with a slight smile, I go and grab the boxes out the elevator. If it didn’t go down already.
With a sigh, I press the elevator button. Seems I’m too late.
My hands become restless as images try to flood my mind.
Not mine to protect.
Not mine to protect.
“Jaxon, I need you.”
The elevator doors open and the memories disappear in the forgotten corner of my mind. I roll my shoulders and plaster a smile on my face as I blink away the fuzz.
“Took you two long enough,” I say as I see Knox and Dimitri standing beside the boxes.
“Couldn’t wait, I see,” Knox jokes.
“You know how he is,” Dimitri joins, and they both grab a box and walk past me.
They know nothing.
They can never know.
They will never understand.
Eleven
HOPE
What was I thinking? Room dividers? Yeah… right…
There’sonebed. It’s massive, bigger than a king, but there’s only one. Like, I know we have some twisted trauma-bonding relationship going on and I hope someday we can have something real… but I’m not ready for them. I know they’re ready for me. They’ve made it obvious, but…
“Told you,” Dimitri says.
“It’s for all of us, obviously,” Knox explains.
I keep staring at it. It’s already covered with sheets and a comforter and pillows. It looks so comfortable and honestly, we could all lay in it and barely be touching.
“When you’re ready,” Jax says seriously. “Not before.”
“You’re the one who’s already filling her bed,” Dimitri grumbles.
“Oh, so you’re ready to cuddle me too?” Jaxon asks. “If that’s what you want—”
“None of us want to feel you laying on us,” Knox snorts. “Happened once at an away game and we’re definitely not going to be doing that again.”
“Go on, cuddle him like a man!” Dimitri laughs.
“No way, I don’t want Knox! He snores like he’s a whale with allergies,” Jaxon complains.
All their laughter and playful insults should make me smile. But I can’t tear my eyes away from the bed.
I wait for the panic, or excitement. But nothing comes. I just feel a moment of emptiness. Is this what I wanted? Did I choose this? Am I still in control or does it only seem that way?
