I start moving through the crowd—and I’m careful now not to look directly at anybody.People are clearing away the blankets and throw pillows to make more room for dancing.I don’t know any of the songs they’re playing, but the beat makes me think of the music they play in clubs—at least, what they play in clubs on those CW shows.And while some of the dancing is clearly about having fun, some of it is…not.Guys are taking their shirts off.They’re grinding on each other.Kissing.Making out.The night is cool, but that doesn’t stop anyone, and I don’t know where to look except the ground, risking a glance now and then so I don’t crash into anyone.
Finally, I find Gray with a crowd of college-aged kids.No Orion.Nobody who could possibly be an alumni philanthropist.They’re all boys, and they’re all pretty, and the ones who don’t have their shirts off are wearing tops so sheer they’re practically translucent.They’re all laughing at something Gray said.
“Hey,” I say, trying to keep my voice level.“There you are.”
“Oh,” Gray says.“Sorry.Got sidetracked.”
I honestly have no idea what to say—I mean, the whole point of coming here was to do this kind of outreach.Somehow, I come up with “Do you need a drink or anything?”
“I’m good.”
And then Ireallydon’t know what to say.
It doesn’t matter, though, because one of the pretty boys raises an eyebrow, and now I recognize him—Robin, who’s kind of Gray’s secretary or assistant or something at WISP.“Are you bored?”he asks, and he sounds like somebody pretending to be concerned.“Do you want to go home?”
“Oh shit,” Gray says.“I’m sorry.”
“No,” I say, “I’m not bored.”
“Good,” Robin says.He skips forward and loops his arm through Gray’s.“Rowan and Tanner will hang with you.Gray, you’vegotto help us move this keg.It’s way too heavy for any of us.”
I almost laugh.Almost.Because I’m thinking about that line about tops and telling them they have big arms, and I’m sure Gray is thinking about it too.But Gray doesn’t laugh.He grins at me as he lets Robin pull him away, and then two very gay sharks start circling me.
One of them looks like he should be on Instagram, his hair in that broccoli cut so many of those guys have.He’s already shirtless, and the tight pair of jeans rides low enough on his hips to show the top of his jock and the pale skin of his ass.
The other is going for the college bro vibe.He’s got on a hat that says HURTIN FOR A SQUIRTIN, and he’s wearing a tight white tee I can see his nipples through.He looks like he spends a lot of time on his hair.And probably taking pictures of his dick.
“Are you really Gray’s boyfriend?”Broccoli Cut asks.
“Yeah.”
“What’s his cock like?”College Bro says.
I don’t say anything to that.
“Are you, like, one of those gay guys who hates fags?”Broccoli Cut asks.
“Yeah,” College Bro says.“Why’d you even come here if you hate it so much?”
“Excuse me,” I say.
“Don’t be such a bitch,” Broccoli Cut says.
“We just want to talk to you,” College Bro says.
But I’m already working my way through the crowd, trying not to collide with any of the dancers.Somehow, I make it to the edge of the courtyard and find a place along the wall.I take a few deep breaths.The bricks are solid against my back, and the cold is starting to filter through my jacket.I don’t know why, but I feel embarrassed.Like I said something I shouldn’t have.Or did something I shouldn’t have.Or like I totally missed what was going on.Not that it would be anything new; a lot of the time, I miss what’s going on.
And if I were a few years younger, I’d probably do something stupid right now.I’d find somebody to latch on to.I’d try to be whatever I thought they wanted me to be.Nothing else would matter except fitting in.And fitting in only mattered so I could disappear.
Instead, I take out my phone to get an Uber.Gray’s having a good time, and I’m ready for bed.That pretty much sums us up, I think.
Only as I unlock my phone, I glance up, and I see him.
Gray is laughing at something Robin has said, shaking his head, backing away.Robin is grinning, but there’s a lot of determination in that grin.A lot of resolve.Because Robin knows what he wants.As I watch, Robin lunges forward and takes Gray’s hand.Gray’s still laughing and trying to shake him off, but not too hard, and he lets Robin draw him in.And then they’re dancing.
It’s obvious that Gray is trying to keep things light.He moves with Robin, and they’re both smiling and laughing, but every time Robin tries to close the gap between them, Gray manages to move, keeping his distance.And even though Robin must be frustrated, it doesn’t show on his face—he’s beaming.Because this is what he wants.Or close enough, anyway.
Phone forgotten, I can’t help but watch.
