But our timing is perfect because as we approach, the person in the studded jacket leaves, and the woman with the afro is alone.
“Dr.Jordan?”I say as we approach.I’m still holding Gray’s hand, and in the last second before I release it, I let myself be aware of it.I’ve never held a guy’s hand before.I haven’t held hands with a lot of people in general.His hand is bigger than I’m used to.The skin is rougher.He has calluses along the ridge of his palm.And then it’s too much, I let him go.I reach out to shake hands with Dr.Jordan and say, “Sam Yarmark.And this is my partner, Gray Dulac.”
Dr.Jordan smiles at me and then shakes Gray’s hand.“Nice to meet you.Aiyana is fine.I don’t think I’ve seen you at a Wrox-Out event before.”
“We’re not students,” I say.“But I wanted you to meet Gray.”I turn to Gray, who is playing along like this is normal for us, his face smooth, his smile friendly.“Dr.Jordan is the Unitarian minister for the campus.She does a lot of work with Wrox-Out—well, a lot of work with a lot of groups, actually.”
“They get sick of me,” she says with a laugh, “but they can’t get rid of me.”
“Dr.Jordan, I think you’d be interested in the work that Gray’s doing.Have you heard of WISP?”And then I launch into the spiel I’ve prepared—about what WISP does and why it’s important and how the LGBTQ community, not to mention everybody on campus, could benefit from it.Mostly, though, I try to talk about Gray—about how he got the grant to provide the initial funding, about how he’s basically run the initiative as a one-man show until now, and about how he’s working to grow the nonprofit and make it something that will last.
When I finish, Dr.Jordan is looking at Gray, and there’s something in her expression I can’t quite make out.Like she recognizes him, maybe.But all she says is “It sounds very impressive, and like something our community needs.”
“It is,” Gray says.But then he looks at me and says, “Sam is being modest because he’s not telling you how much he’s helped.”
“That’s what partners are for,” Dr.Jordan says.But then she says, “You’re a detective, aren’t you?With the Wahredua PD?”
Gray nods.And maybe it’s because of how much time we’ve spent together lately, but I notice the little changes that tell me he’s on his guard: a tightness in his jaw, the way the easy playfulness in his face gets locked down.Because Gray has decided—even though I’m not sure that’s true—that if somebody recognizes him, it’s only because of the bad stuff.
“You probably read about him when he caught those traffickers,” I say.“He saved a van full of people.”
Dr.Jordan nods at me and smiles, but it seems automatic.“Well, maybe we should talk about what the church can do to help you.I need to look at my calendar, but is there a time next weekend you could meet?”
“Absolutely,” Gray says.
“Oh no,” I say.“Could we move it up?”To Dr.Jordan I say, “That’s the weekend Gray’s going to help my gran with some stuff.”
Dr.Jordan smiles at us, and it takes me a moment to realize she thinks it’s cute.“Yes, definitely.I’m usually free Wednesday evenings.”
“Perfect,” I say.“Right, babe?”
Gray doesn’t even blink.“That’d be fantastic.”
“Okay,” Dr.Jordan says.“I’ll give you my number.It was nice meeting you, Gray.You too, Sam—thank you for introducing us.”
She heads off into the crowd, and as soon as she’s out of earshot, Gray turns to look at me.“You little bitch.You planned this.”
“Well, yeah.”
He grins.“And you’re a liar, too.God, you’re quick on your feet.”
“I didn’t lie,” I say.“Youaregoing to help Gran.She’s got a ping-pong table in the basement I can’t move by myself.So it’s not a lie.Oh shoot, get ready.We’ve got to talk to him too.”
Himis Rashad Fuentes, who’s the president of the Mid-Missouri LGBTQ Alliance, and I flag him down before he can pass us.It’s even easier this time.Gray and I are both more comfortable now that we’ve done this once.I lean into him a little when I’m talking.And when he and Rashad start discussing the details of what WISP offers, I look around like I’m just a boyfriend who’s been dragged along to a party, and I take Gray’s hand like this is something we do all the time.He looks over at me for a second, but he doesn’t stop talking.Not even a hitch.By the time we’re done, Rashad and Gray have set up a Zoom meeting for next week, and I’ve managed to talk about Gray getting a commendation from the mayorandabout Gray solving two different murders, because based on Rashad’s Twitter feed, he’s a true crime junkie.
After Rashad, I steer Gray toward Orion Robinson, the current head of Wrox-Out.Orion’s younger than me by at least two years, but they seem smart and engaged, and they’re eager to talk about ways Wrox-Out can be involved in making the campus safer for everyone.I’m doing my boyfriend stuff too, touching Gray’s back when he talks, putting my hand on his arm when I want to make a point.And although this conversation seems to be going even better than the first two, I’m starting to notice that Gray doesn’t let the contact last long.He shifts, or he moves his arm.When I try to hold his hand again, he squeezes my fingers and lets go almost immediately.
It’s because he’s focused on the conversation, I tell myself.Or he doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable.
And it doesn’t matter because everything is goingso well.What really gets Orion excited is when I say that Gray spearheaded the police department’s collaboration on a campus safer-sex initiative the year before.
“Holy shit,” Orion says, “that was you.That was the first fucking safer-sex initiative I’ve ever seen that was actually fuckingreal.Hold on, I want you to meet an alum who’s pretty much the reason Wrox-Out has a budget, and this shit is right up his alley.”To me, almost as an afterthought, he adds, “We’ll be right back.”
Before I can object, Orion is leading Gray off into the party.Gray glances back with an apology on his face, and then they’re gone, the crowd closing around them, and I’m alone.
I get myself another beer, even though earlier, I told myself no more than one.The closing social is shifting gears—you spend enough time policing public events, and you get a feel for the energy.What had started as a bunch of college-age kids having a few drinks and talking about their summer plans is turning into—well, a party.The music is louder.People start to pair up and dance.There’s a blond guy leaning against the wall, watching me, and when I can’t help myself and glance back, we make eye contact, and he smiles.
Where is Gray?
