Sneaking out, sneaking around, and just being sneaky. It’s equal parts exhilarating and exhausting. I don’t enjoy feeling like a child who’s doing something wrong, but I need to protect Bodi. My father has a bad temper when he’s really mad, and I don’t want Bodi to get caught up in that because of me.
Of course, that makes me feel guilty too.
We should have left things alone. Ended it before we…became intimate.
That changed everything.
For me, at least. And I think Bodi feels it too. Our connection is so strong it’s a little scary sometimes. He gets me. Likes all of me, even the nerdy parts. Wants to spend time with me. Take me places. Buy me things. I honestly didn’t know there were guys like him out there.
He’s gentle and thoughtful and…fuck, but he’s sexy. Every time he touches me is better than the last. I’ve had more sex in the last week than in my entire life, and he keeps planningromantic dates. Keeps wanting to spend time with me both in bed and out. Keeps asking to read the letters I’ve written him.
What he doesn’t know ishow manyI’ve written him. Some are short and funny. Others are longer and more in depth. One is extremely sexy. I don’t know if I’ll ever give him that one, but letter-writing is my love language, and I’m…falling in love.
I know it’s too soon. That I’m falling for the first guy who can please me in bed, which is such a cliché. I’m also aware that I’m lonely and Bodi is one of the only people in a long time to truly pay attention to me. To like me for me and not who I know or what I can do for him. Who doesn’t think I’m nerdy. Hell, he even likes that I wear glasses.
“So, what’s the problem?” Kelly asks when I tell her everything that’s been on my mind.
“You don’t think it’s too soon to fall in love?” I ask, wrinkling my nose as I hand her books to put away.
“How soon is soon?” she asks, pausing to glance over at me. “And who decides what that number is? When my Tony and I met, we were seventeen, and I knew I was going to marry him after our first date.”
She rarely talks about her late husband, who she told me died a long time ago, so I don’t respond, waiting for her to continue.
“We were together almost every minute of every day after the first week we met. And we had ten wonderful years before he died. He was the love of my life. Waiting a specified amount of time before it’s acceptable to acknowledge those feelings seems silly, don’t you think?”
“I’m just worried about what my father is going to do. You don’t know how crazy he can be when he’s mad.”
“But you and Bodi are adults,” she says, appearing somewhat mystified. “What difference does it make?”
“The last time I dated one of his players, he cheated on me and I was devastated. When he found out, Dad was furious—andnot only did he get pictures of the jerk cheating, he beat the shit out of him. They both got arrested. Luckily, Cal threw the first punch and witnesses corroborated that so they both agreed to drop the charges, but it could have been really bad. Since then, Dad’s been clear that I have to stay far away from his players. Period.”
“Well, I understand all of that, but you’re a grown woman.”
“A grown woman who has nowhere to go for another eight months until I graduate. And even then, there’s no guarantee I’ll find a job making enough to support myself.”
“Why wouldn’t you move in with Bodi?”
I stare at her. “Well, for one thing, he hasn’t asked. For another, he lives with four other guys so I don’t know how that would even work. And finally, like I’ve been saying, it’s really new. Are we seriously ready to move in together?”
Kelly rolls her eyes. “For heaven’s sake, Jayne, length of time has nothing to do with anything. The only thing that’s important is how you both feel.”
“It’s not like we’ve confessed true love or anything,” I say dryly. “And I’m sure this is nothing but a fling for him.”
“Well, aren’t you a little ray of sunshine!” Kelly interrupts with a laugh. “Have a little faith in yourself.”
“It’s not about faith. It’s aboutreality. I bring nothing to the table except a professional headache for him. I don’t have a dime to my name, I don’t have a job…Hell, I don’t even know how to drive.”
Kelly arches her brows. “Well, all of that is fixable. You’re finishing your degree, so the fact that you don’t have a job yet isn’t a big deal, I’m sure he doesn’t care about how much money you have, and if you feel strongly about learning to drive, get off your butt and do it.”
I shift uncomfortably because she’s right—I’ve been procrastinating. “I need a car and someone to teach me. Bodioffered but it feels…weird. Like what if I’m terrible and he gets mad? Or worse, I wreck his car?”
“For someone who’s supposedly falling in love, you’re a real negative Nelly. If you can’t have faith in yourself, at least have some in him.”
If only it were that easy.
Life has been nothing but a series of disappointments and frustrations since my mother died. I don’t know how to be upbeat about much of anything, especially something as wonderful as my relationship with Bodi.
He’s such a good guy but if my father finds out before I can move out, shit is going to hit the fan. It might hit the fan anyway, no matter when he finds out. That’s what makes this so hard.
