What man would want to deal with all my baggage?
What hurts even more is trying to resign myself to never loving a child like my mom loved me. The bond between a mother and her child is one of the most sacred, and I may never experience that.
Sucking in air, counting my breaths, I try to stop myself from sliding down the icy slope of hopelessness and loneliness.
Sometimes angry, ugly thoughts slice through me like a red-hot knife, telling me I’m not good enough.
That I’ll never be... enough. Have enough to give.
Another sob chokes me, and then another, so I give in and let the tears flow. I let the anger and grief for a life I’ll never have pour out with each sob that surges from my chest. The hard wood is cool against my forehead and I fist my hand, hitting the wall with the soft pad on the side.
Warm powerful hands with rough callouses grip my shoulders and I jump, only to bump into a wall of muscle behind me. I spin around and look up into icy-blue eyes.
“Lepa, come.” He bands his arms around me like the strongest steel and pulls me to him. For the first time, I let someone besides my brothers or father hold me.
He feels good.
He feels safe.
My body melts into his and he sets his chin on my head as I sob into his shirt, my hands fisting the material on his hard chest. The smell of soap, leather, and something else envelopes me in warmth and safety.
“Let it out, dušo.” [sweetheart] He slides his hand down the back of my head and his palm rests on my nape. “You are one of the strongest people I know, tako jebeno hrabar. [so fucking brave]
Mumblings in a foreign language reach my ears in his soft voice, almost like he is whispering sweet nothings to me as his hand soothingly moves up and down my back. I don’t understand a word he’s saying, but I think it’s the most comforting thing anyone’s ever done for me.
Even if I can’t understand the words, his tone and the gentle way he holds me to him as she says them makes me feel like I’m in the safest place in the world, he feels sincere.
The sobs finally subside and have given me the damn hiccups. It seems like all my life anything can give me hiccups and I hate that. Just a small bite of something spicy gives me hiccups.
“What can I do?” His deep voice rumbles in his chestunder my ear and the vibrations move through me like soft fingers playing a harp, tugging on strings that send warmth through my chest. That warmth spins in my chest and takes a nose-dive to my lower belly.
The shock of it makes every muscle in my body freeze. My first instinct is to pull away.
It’s bad enough that he’s my brother’s best friend, if Mason were to see this right now, he would probably lose his shit. Correction, if any of my brothers saw this, they would lose their shit.
“Please don’t pull away. Tell me, what can I do?” His arms tighten around me, he might as well be wrapping me in the most unrelenting shelter I’ve ever experienced.
Another flashing neon sign in my head is the realization that I don’t feel like I want to climb out of my skin. “You don’t make my skin crawl.”
For two breaths, he is quiet before a chuckle in his chest tickles my ear. “The highest of compliments.”
CHAPTER NINE
JAX
I WATCHEDher quickly retreat into the stable after Hallie walked away from the kitchen window. After the visit we got at the wedding, it doesn’t matter what she’s doing or where she’s at, I’m keeping an eye on her. So, I made my way to the painted white structure that Marley’s diligently taken care of.
Watching her cry against the wall as she suffers alone is more than I can stand. I always try to keep my distance, give her the space she needs, but there’s no fucking way I’m going to give her space when she’s like this. I’ll give her everything I can, but I will not leave her to go through this alone.
Her body molds to mine when I pull her into me, and I feel her hands twisting my shirt as the sobs rack her body, each one lancing pain through my chest because I can’t do a fucking thing to stop the hurt that is tormenting her, it’s like a fucking knife to my heart. She feels so small, and all I can do is hold her to me.
But she’s letting me. I may be a bastard for it, but thehappiness I feel because she is letting me hold her in her time of need is indescribable.
Her head is right under my chin and the smell of coconut is drifting into my nose, she always smells like coconut and something floral. Her hair is soft as silk and I pull the loose strands that have fallen around her neck through my hand as I stroke my palm down her back.
Then I realize my thoughts are not just thoughts anymore, I’ve started crooning them out loud to her as I stroke her to help calm her.
“Imam te.” [I’ve got you]
