“And the long answer?”
I laughed, a single short sound. “Still Mike really. After he discovered I was pregnant, after that morning, he took great pleasure in telling Jess and it was clear she was horrified, although she already knew but Mike didn’t know that. He really rubbed her nose in the fact that he was there to stay and as the father of my baby he would trump her role and what I think he saw as her authority.”
“How did Jess take it?”
“Badly. It was another couple of days before we got some time alone and that is when she asked why I had told Mike when I hadn’t been entirely sure that I was going to have the baby. She repeated her concerns for me and for my future. I felt overwhelmed and things got out of hand and somehow we ended up arguing. She told me that she couldn’t stand by and watch me ruin my life. I felt strangely protective of the baby I’d had no intention of having and reacted defensively to what I perceived as her attacking it. She did say that she would support me if I had the baby, but not while Mike was on the scene.”
“Why do you suppose she said that?”
I knew exactly why and he was pushing me to acknowledge it. “Because she knew that he hurt me, not physically, not really, but she saw me afterwards and picked up the pieces.”
“Didn’t he hurt you physically?”
That wasn’t where I expected him to go.
"He didn’t hit me.” I heard the defensiveness enter my voice and somehow he had found my issue. I didn’t consider myself to have been physically abused and this was what I clung to, that no matter what he had subjected me to, I had drawn the line at that.
“So, you’re saying that because he didn’t hit you, there was no physical abuse?”
I said nothing.
“What happened with Jess?”
Why had he raised the issue of physical abuse if he was just going to let it go? In my head I knew that he had broached the subject in order to force me to consider it, perhaps not now, but it was now in my head so would have to be addressed at some point.
“By the time Jess said that I should visit my parents alone, talk to them, tell them about the baby, my head was spinning. I hadn’t even considered my parents in this and suspected that what she really meant was for me to tell them about Mike. My face must have showed my shock at the notion of telling my parents and that they would see how bad things were between us.”
“I imagine as your friend, that was her aim, to have your parents in your corner and maybe she thought they could succeed where she must have felt she’d failed.”
He wasn’t wrong. “She told me I was stupid to think this was ever going to work out well. She said that I was an idiot if I kept the baby and thought I would ever be rid of Mike, that he would ruin my life and that the baby would facilitate that.”
“That made you defensive?”
“Yeah. I hadn’t planned on keeping the baby but hearing anyone speaking ill of my baby that way hurt, especially as it was Jess. We argued and she laughed when I maintained that I could have my baby and my career, and she was right to think I couldn’t, but I wasn’t prepared to admit it at that stage. She then repeated that if I wanted to keep the baby, she would support me if it was what I wanted, however, she wouldn’t sit back and watch me be further destroyed by Mike.”
“An ultimatum?”
“Yes and that’s not something I respond well to, so with my end of year exams done and the lease on the house share coming to an end, I ended up moving into Mike’s while Jess moved about an hour away to take up her foundation.
“What about your foundation training?”
CHAPTERFIVE
THEN
“Mike,please, I have to get ready.”
Mike rolled his eyes, still not understanding why I was so insistent on pursuing my dream career, especially now that I was pregnant.
“It makes no sense to do this now. Just ditch it and maybe once the kid starts school.”
I didn’t hear anything else he might have said because the world turned black as I realised that Mike expected me to take that long a break in my pursuit of a career.
“No!” Turning, I saw the scowl marring Mike’s brow and knew this was going to become an issue.
“What do you mean, no? Have you already made your plans with no consideration for my thoughts or feelings?”
“That’s not what I am saying, but five years is too long. I will continue until as late on in the pregnancy as possible and then, so long as everything goes to plan, I could probably return to work twelve weeks later. I can catch up, I am sure . . .” My words stopped at the look of pure fury I was met with.
