I can do this. I can share her for just a few hours before I get her back to myself.
Dinner is a celebration with Nigel and his family, us and Scott. I remind myself of that as a rather grim expression takes over my face in the rear-view mirror as we set off.
Sensing my less than celebratory mood, Olivia reaches across and takes my hand in hers.
“Hey, I feel it too, but this is a new start now,” she tells me.
Turning slightly, I offer her a smile of gratitude and appreciation. She really is truly amazing. Today was hell on earth, sitting in that court room listening to the judge describing what a vile human being Raymond Daniels is. How he systematically abused those in his care, starting with Olivia. How he kept records, diaries, detailing exactly what he did, diaries that he claimed were fictitious. The bastard wouldn’t even plead guilty, forcing his victims to take the stand, including my girl.
There was another girl, Jane that Scott had spoken of, she was unable to give evidence since she’d committed suicide just a few months before Raymond was charged. She’d left with Scott but had been unable to cope so had fallen into a spiral of drink, drugs and depression.
I shudder. She could so easily have survived if she’d got the help Olivia had or God forbid, my girl could have been her…Raymond Daniels is unlikely to walk free again and yet it’s still not enough for me. His punishment does not fit his crimes in my mind. All the things he did to Olivia and the others. Olivia’s Auntie Pauline had some wonderful ideas of just how he should be punished, but apparently, they weren’t options for the judge. Then there’s the death of Jane. He was responsible, even if he didn’t kill her himself, and that is not the only death I blame him for.
I allow my mind to go back to that night seven months ago when I opened the door to Olivia’s flat and found her on the floor, her clothes pulled down and that animal raining blows on her whilst touching her. I will take that image to my grave. My dad wrestled me away from him, knowing I would have killed him which also allowed him to escape, if only as far as Scott.
Scott being outside seemed too much of a coincidence for me. Clearly, he’d been watching Olivia and her flat to some extent. I still believe he may have been responsible for her break in and the crack over the head, it certainly ties in with the timing of Jane’s death. He obviously hasn’t admitted it but was shifty when I mentioned it. I decided not to accuse him outright but left him in no doubt that my girl is just that and will always be my priority. I went as far as to remind him that I would remove anyone who posed a threat to her. We have an understanding, as do Nigel and I.
My phone rings and is answered by the car’s hands-free. Dec.
“Hey, Mase. I’ve got a problem at the club, could you come over?”
Could his timing be any worse? It’s Olivia that answers though.
“We’re on our way to dinner, but if it’s quick we could swing by now,” she offers.
“Great. Mase has a key, come up to VIP,” he replies and then he hangs up.
“If he has done anything illegal with my money, I am going to kill him.” I sigh but Olivia just laughs.
“Jeez, babe, have a little faith.” She smiles.
“Hmmm,” is all I have as a response. I really am a miserable bastard tonight and as I go back to that night my mood darkens a little more.
I didn’t think things could get any worse as I got into the back of the ambulance with Olivia, but they did when we got to the hospital. The nurse who treated her was an absolute angel with just the right level of care, sympathy and empathy.
Her injuries were photographed, and they were pretty bad, but then they asked her if he’d touched her intimately. He had, but she insisted he hadn’t raped her and on some level I was grateful that he’donlytouched and beat her.
They gave her a pretty intimate exam and found she was bleeding. The nurse asked her again if he had raped her, she denied it again and explained exactly what he had done, which seemed unlikely to have caused the bleeding she was suffering.
I could cry right now when I remember Olivia’s face when the nurse asked if her period was due. She began to sob incoherently but managed to explain that it wasn’t her period because she was pregnant.
That was a complete fucking curve ball. She apologised to me as she explained that she’d been for her contraceptive injection that day, but it was late, so they made her do a pregnancy test which proved positive. She had known she was pregnant for a matter of hours when that bastard laid his hands on her, then our baby was no more.
The doctors couldn’t say if he had contributed to it, but I knew he had, if not that day then with all the stress she’d been under. It can’t have been good for my girl or my baby, can it? Then add him fucking pinning her down on her stomach to beat her, that certainly wasn’t conducive to a healthy pregnancy.
We are pulling up outside of Dazzler and as I turn the engine off Olivia is climbing across to sit in my lap.
“Mase, don’t do this. Don’t let it eat away at you. Raymond and Conrad are behind bars, we’re not.”
“If he hadn’t, our baby…” I trail off before I get angry or cry actual tears.
The feel of Olivia’s lips and breath on my neck soothe me, as do her words.
“I never knew I could love anyone properly until I met you and I didn’t know that a person I didn’t really know existed could rock my world like our baby did, but what happened, it happened. If I’d gone to the doctor’s the following day I might have been bleeding anyway and would have assumed it was my period, but I didn’t. I’ve told you that I fell over at the tube station. Maybe that triggered it. We’ll never know. I was pregnant, we had a baby who would have been due anytime now, but it wasn’t meant to be.”
“I am so fucking mad, baby. I should have protected you, both of you and I didn’t. He got to you again. He hurt you, he scared you and he killed our baby and it’s my fault for not being there.”
There it was, out in the open, the confession of my greatest guilt and as I see tears brimming my girl’s eyes I wait and hope she can forgive me for my shortcomings.
