“Hey, Livy. Have you broken the lift?”
She laughs. “It seems that way, but slightly more concerning is the fact that I have broken my waters.”
“Fuck!” Mase hisses and begins to bark orders to people to get us out of the lift, well, more Liv than me.
He then starts telling me to keep an eye on Liv. I resist the temptation to point out that as we are stuck in a six feet square box, I’d struggle not to keep an eye on her.
“Mase, just get us out of here. Midwife is not in my list of skills, and I need to get to the airport to find Anita.”
He ignores the midwife comment. “Anita?”
“Yeah.” I look at Liv and smile before looking back to the panel my brother’s voice is coming from. “I love her.”
“Okay,” he says. “Why is she at the airport?”
“Because I was a dick and didn’t listen to her.”
“Okay,” he repeats. “Oh, and Dec, the idea of you playing midwife chills me to the bone, plus, you do not need to see my wife’s lady parts.”
Liv and I both laugh but for our own reasons need to get the hell out of this bloody lift.
Anita
Arriving at the airport alone with no destination in mind is one of the scariest things I have ever done, and yet, it’s one of the most exciting and liberating.
I look around at the various desks and kiosks before checking out departure boards; France, Italy, New York, The Maldives, Dubai, and then I see a flight to Greece leaving in a couple of hours’ time. I laugh out loud as I consider that I am doing what my mother would call aShirley Valentine. I remember watching it with her years before, one of her favourite films and it seems fitting.
Within minutes I have made my way to the airline’s desk and handed my credit card over. I am going to Greece and for the first time in weeks feel a sense of positivity about my life. This is not the cure to everything, but it’s a good start. I’ve made a decision about my future and one way or another I need to get on with a life that doesn’t include guilt and shame, nor Dec. My heart lurches at the final thought. I love him and I miss him more than I thought was possible, but we are no longer together and one way or another, I need to deal with that reality and dealing with it in the sunshine on a beach for a while seems a better option than wallowing in it in an overcast England.
I wander through duty free and spy a couple of bargains I would normally pick up, but I resist. I have no clue how long I will be away and if I will remain in Greece. I have savings and my parents gave me a good chunk of cash to use. The thought of my parents and their cash saddens me, not that they haven’t always been generous, but because I know they feel guilty about me giving up my baby. Guilty that they didn’t know. That I didn’t tell them and in that they were unable to help or support me. Their guilt is misplaced because if I had told them, they would have done everything in their power to enable me to keep her and with how things have turned out, that would have been a very awkward and painful situation for me and my daughter. I put down the perfume I have been looking at and feel a pang of sadness at my bare ring finger. After that day in the kitchen, I returned my engagement ring via Scott who was seeing Liv. She in turn returned it to Dec. I know it was probably the coward’s way to do it, but if that’s the case, I am a coward.
~~~
Boarding the plane comes around quickly and every step I take towards my seat feels like a step closer to the weight that remains on my shoulders being lifted. I can’t see another solo traveller, the plane seems to be filled with couples, families or groups of friends all heading into the sun for their annual holiday and although that should probably scare me, it doesn’t, it does the opposite, I feel bold and empowered to have made this decision for me.
I prepare to switch my phone to airplane mode and see that the message I sent to Liv telling her I was going to Greece is sitting as sent. I don’t read any more into that than the fact that when I left her Dec had just arrived and I assume she is still doing his design work despite her now being on maternity leave. My fingers hover over the keys, considering sending her further details, but I don’t. Once I land and have found somewhere to stay, I will update her then, maybe even call her from wherever I end up. Until that second, I hadn’t even considered the fact that I have nowhere to stay upon arrival. A little panic washes over me, but I push it down as I consider that there will be somewhere to stay, even if it’s not the plushest of places and Greece is a big country to truly have no room at the inn. I giggle as I think that if all else fails, I’ll buy a pool mattress and sleep on the beach, although that could get me arrested. I laugh as I imagine my parent’s and Liv’s face if someone has to come over and bail me out for sleeping on the beach.
With my phone now on airplane mode and my accommodation worries settled for a while, I get myself comfy and reach for the book in my bag. More people are boarding, and I just wish they’d hurry up so the plane can take off before I rethink everything and panic that this is a bad idea. No. I know staying at home was a worse idea. I give myself another pep talk and with my mind calm again, I open my book. Usually, I’d opt for a romance with a dashing hero and a heroine who feared love before giving in to the relentless chasing and pursuit of her by the hero and then together they’d find their happy ever after. No, that is not what I need right now. So, instead I have gone for a thriller with murder and mayhem and nothing to remind me of love, Declan, or my broken heart.
Turning the page, I see I am already on chapter three but still there is no sign of the plane moving and looking around there seem to be no more passengers boarding. I am sitting in a window seat and next to me are a couple of older ladies, sisters, going on their first girl’s holiday. I smile across at them, loving their gumption in taking this adventure together. Maybe that’s something Liv and I could do in the future, with her baby. I shake my head at the chances of that happening without Mase. Perhaps we could time it so that it coincides with some business trip of his and he could come to us later. I stop this train of thought before it leads me to Dec coming with him and us all having a wonderful time together. My wonderful times with Dec are over. I must accept that fully.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot. Apologies for the delay, but we should be taking off very shortly…”
The cheer from the boarded passengers drowns out anything else he says, but just knowing my departure is imminent, I smile and go back to my book.
Chapter 31
Declan
“This cannot be happening.”
Liv looks up at me and I immediately feel guilty. This is not how she planned on spending her afternoon either and she is the one in labour, not me.
“But it is.” I try to lighten the mood. “We can do this together, right?”
“I think we’re going to have to, Uncle Declan.” Liv releases the strangest and loudest squeal I have ever heard, and I swear she is putting me off ever having sex again if this is a possible outcome.
“Baby,” Mase’s voice comes through the speaker of the lift.
